考研英语一2016年大作文真题与例文批改

2016年考研英语一大作文属于典型的图表作文，要求考生准确描述数据变化并深入解读现象。本文精解的这篇柱状图批改范例，完整覆盖考研英语一作文范文常考图表的描述思路，是考研英语图表类作文的标杆范例。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there are a couple of son and father, in which of the father is whatching TV and smoking next to his son, saying that advocating his son to working hard. On the contrary, in the right portrayal, another couple are keeping on their own duties. Evidently, the cartoons intend to convey to readers that not just advising but playing a role of setting an example for their sons or daughters in lives, which is the brush that paints a bright future. While, it is the shackle that hinders children"s process if parents aren"t as leaders

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, in modern society full of changes, chances, parents coorperate with their children in education and habbitats normally and importantly, which has become a key factor that distinguishes exceptional individuds from ordinary people, and its significance has become increasingly evident. what"s more, the campany with children can ignite our childen"s creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment.

In brief, company is the catalyst for children’s development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we must advocate practise; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of being a negative example to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：couple of son and father

批改：一对父子应该是 father and his son

原文：in which of

批改：连接词有误，应该用 where

原文：whatching

批改：watching

原文：saying that advocating his son to working hard

批改：表达有误，应该为 telling his son to study hard

原文：couple

批改：同前文， father and son

原文：keeping on their own duties

批改：表意模糊，图中可以看出在一起学习，建议改为 studying together

原文：not just advising but playing a role of setting an example for their sons or daughters in lives

批改：表达混乱，可改为 parents should not only give advice but also set an example for their children in daily life

原文：,

批改：多余，应删除

原文： process

批改：进步用 progress

原文：In the left-hand cartoon, there are a couple of son and father, in which of the father is whatching TV and smoking next to his son, saying that advocating his son to working hard. On the contrary, in the right portrayal, another couple are keeping on their own duties. Evidently, the cartoons intend to convey to readers that not just advising but playing a role of setting an example for their sons or daughters in lives, which is the brush that paints a bright future. While, it is the shackle that hinders children"s process if parents aren"t as leaders

批改：最后的leaders改为positive examples更恰当，而且要加句号； 本段描述了漫画内容，点明个人观点，注意语法问题

原文：coorperate

批改：cooperate

原文：habbitats

批改：habits

原文：individuds

批改：individuals

原文：,

批改：改为and更恰当

原文：what"s

批改：大写

原文：campany

批改：company

原文：childen"s

批改：children"s

原文：practise

批改：前面要加 this，特指陪伴 这种行为

原文：our

批改：结合文意应该是 children"s

原文：This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, in modern society full of changes, chances, parents coorperate with their children in education and habbitats normally and importantly, which has become a key factor that distinguishes exceptional individuds from ordinary people, and its significance has become increasingly evident. what"s more, the campany with children can ignite our childen"s creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment.

批改：第一段的立意是以身作则的意义，但这段主要论述了陪伴对孩子成长的重要性，论述内容与立意不符，可以再思考下

原文：In brief, company is the catalyst for children’s development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we must advocate practise; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of being a negative example to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：同 上一段，结尾也是讲的陪伴，但立意是以身作则，需要再调整下

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：8/20

题目要求：对漫画的描述较为全面，立意正确，但论述内容和结尾应围绕立意，可以再思考下；

语言表达：全文用了一些模板句，但也有较多的语法和拼写问题，表达上不够清晰通顺；

行文逻辑：第一段描述漫画内容并表达个人观点，第二段展开论述，第三段总结上文，架构完整；

修改建议：改正原文错误；优化论述和结尾内容；继续积累经典句式；加强语法练习；

同学要继续加强练习，期待你的进步~

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