考研英语一2024年大作文实例分析与批改

备战2024年考研英语大作文，先从研读经典高分范文开始。本文汇集的启航教育批改范文中，不仅有原文、批注，还有词汇注释与亮点解析。准备2027考研的同学，可联系启航教育在线咨询考研英语一写作高分规划。

一、考研英语一2024年大作文题目

考研英语一2024年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the picture and the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture and the chart briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2024年大作文批改例文

As shown in the upper picture, there are several people enjoying exercising in the park near their home. Meanwhile, the chart displays the changes in quantity of the parks in this city. Obviouly, it rose steadily from 2020 to 2022. The number of the parks was 406 in 2020, which increased to 670 in 2022.

The picture and chart are actually thought-provoking. The meaning that the cartoonist wants to convey to us is that more and more people enjoy themselves doing sports in parks. nearby and there are parks whose number is growing in recent years.

From my perspective, the depicted phenomenon is of great benefit to our life in diverse aspects. To start with, parks provide us suitable places to exercise or relax, which is conducive to our physical and mental health. What"s more. parks improve the scenery of our living areas, constituting a livable environment. As citizens, we ought to raise. awareness of protecting the environment and views of the parks. Only by doing so can we build a more beautiful world to live.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：Obviouly, it rose

批改：Obviouly：拼写错误，应为 Obviously。 the changes in quantity of the parks：表达不够地道。更自然的说法是 the change in the number of parks。 it rose steadily：代词 it指代不明确。前句主语是 the chart（图表），但“上升”的应该是“公园的数量”。建议改为 the number rose steadily。 The number of the parks：这里的第二个 the是多余的，应为 The number of parks。

原文：n in the upper picture, there are several people enjoying exercising in the park near their home. Meanwhile, the chart displays the changes in quantity of the parks in this city. Obviouly, it rose steadily from 2020 to 2022. The number of the parks was 406 in 2020, which increased to 670 in 2022.

批改： 你很好地完成了对两幅图的分别描述，并引入了具体数据

原文： in parks. near

批改：parks. nearby：句号使用错误，导致 nearby成为一个不完整的句子片段。应改为 parks nearby, and...。 there are parks whose number is growing：这个表达略显繁琐和口语化。可以更简洁地改为 the number of parks is growing。 整个句子的结构可以优化，使其更连贯。目前是两个观点用 and简单连接，可以处理得更巧妙。

原文：ture and chart are actually thought-provoking. The meaning that the cartoonist wants to convey to us is that more and more people enjoy themselves doing sports in parks. nearby and there are parks whose number is growing in recent years.

批改：你认识到了需要挖掘深层含义，这个意识非常好！但这一段的论述可以更深入。目前只是把图片内容换种说法重复了一遍，而没有进一步阐释“公园数量增长和人们在公园锻炼”这一现象背后的意义（例如，这反映了政府对公共设施的投资、人们对健康生活的追求等）。

原文：What"s more. parks improv

批改：What"s more.：标点错误，句号应改为逗号 What"s more,。 we ought to raise. awareness：标点错误，中间的句号应删除 raise awareness。 the environment and views of the parks：views（视野/观点）在这里意思不明确，想表达的可能是“景观”，用 scenery或直接说 the environment of the parks更好。 a more beautiful world to live：句子不完整，缺少介词，应为 a more beautiful world to live in。

原文：s. To start with, parks provide us suitable places to exercise or relax, which is conducive to our physical and mental health. What"s more. parks improve the scenery of our living areas, constituting a livable environment. As citizens, we ought to raise. awareness of protecting the environment and views of the parks. Only by doing so can we build a more beautiful world to live.

批改：本段结构清晰，用 To start with和 What"s more来列举好处，最后提出呼吁，这是非常好的论证结构。内容上，提到的对身心健康和宜居环境的益处也很贴切

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

同学，你的作文框架搭得很好，这是你的优势！现在的瓶颈主要在于语言的细节处理上，比如标点、拼写和个别词汇的精准使用。

给你几个马上就能用上的建议：

写完一定要检查：下次完成作文后，请专门留出2-3分钟，只做一件事——逐字逐句地检查。重点关注：① 单词拼写（如Obviouly）；② 标点符号（句号、逗号是否正确）；③ 句子是否完整（如to live-> to live in）。这个习惯能帮你立刻挽回很多不必要的失分。

让论述再深一步：在第二段，不要只描述现象，试着问自己一个“为什么”？比如：“为什么这个现象是‘thought-provoking’的？”然后给出你的思考，比如“这表明人们更重视健康生活了”或“这是城市绿化进步的体现”。

积累“功能句”：可以准备一个笔记本，专门记录一些好的开头、过渡和结尾句式。比如，把范文里的 The chart displays the changes in the number of...这样的地道表达记下来，下次直接套用。

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