考研英语一2016年大作文失分点批改

2016年考研英语一大作文是考研英语作文模板备考清单中的必练题型。本文带来的高分批改范例，配套启航教育老师的逐句批注与预测话题标签，适合考研英语考生在冲刺阶段精读精练，是一套完整的写作提升资料。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father saying to son to study but he is watching TV. On the contrary, in the right-hand there is a father study with son together.Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future for children, while negative examples are the shackle that hinders their progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, while certain Chinese traditions may be outdated, leading the good example is one that should never lose its luster, as it is an essential bond that keeps the Chinese nation thriving. On the other hand, negative example is like heavy chains that hinder children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, positive example is the catalyst for children"s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative example to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e left-hand cartoon, there is a father saying to son to study but he is watching TV. On the contrary, in the right-hand there is a father study with son together.Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future for children, while negative examples are the shackle that hinders their progress.

批改：本段准确地描述了两幅图的对比，并成功提炼出核心寓意

原文： phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, while certain Chinese traditions may be outdated, leading the good example is one that should never lose its luster, as it is an essential bond that keeps the Chinese nation thriving. On the other hand, negative example is like heavy chains that hinder children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

批改： 本段采用了正反对比论证，结构清晰

原文：brief, positive example is the catalyst for children"s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative example to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

批改：段总结得非常到位，再次点题，并给出了积极的建议。catalyst（催化剂）这个词用得很高级，结尾的呼吁也很有力

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：17

同学，你的作文审题准确，结构完整，特别是开头和结尾都写得非常出色！你使用的比喻也很生动，这是很大的优点。

如果希望在现有好基础上追求更高分数，我们可以聚焦于主体段的论证深度和聚焦度：

让论证更具体：在提出分论点时，可以思考“父母的具体行为是如何直接影响孩子的”，并围绕这个核心展开一两句解释。这能让论证更实在，更切中漫画的寓意。

优化论点衔接：确保两个分论点都紧密围绕“父母榜样作用”这个最核心的主题展开，之间的逻辑联系会更紧密。

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