考研英语一2016年大作文怎么写？附例文批改

考研英语作文批改命题趋势越来越关注社会热点与考生思辨能力。本文带来的2016年考研英语一批改范例，透过图表/图画深挖现象背后的本质，由启航教育老师逐段精批，可帮助考生建立稳定的考研英语写作思维框架。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man, sitting in the sofa ,smoking the cigarette ,watching tv and asking his son study hard.On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal,the man is studying hard along with his son .Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive example is the brush that paints a bright future for children, while negative example is the shackle that hinders children’s progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, positive example can ignite children’s creativity, promote their personal growth and fulfillment, thus making their life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming ,On the other hand, negative example is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, positive example is the catalyst for societal and children’s development, from which they all stand to benefit, Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice. additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative example to ensure childeren’s growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：asking his son study hard.

批改：asking his son study hard” 违背固定搭配，应为 “asking his son to study hard”（“ask sb. to do sth.” 为考研核心搭配）

原文：In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man, sitting in the sofa ,smoking the cigarette ,watching tv and asking his son study hard.On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal,the man is studying hard along with his son .Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive example is the brush that paints a bright future for children, while negative example is the shackle that hinders children’s progress.

批改：先分述两幅图画核心内容，再提炼主旨，符合考研图画作文 “描述 + 立意” 的开篇要求，逻辑连贯且重点突出。

原文：self-consuming ,

批改：“self-defeating” 更贴合 “阻碍自身发展” 的语境，且句末用句号

原文：his phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, positive example can ignite children’s creativity, promote their personal growth and fulfillment, thus making their life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming ,On the other hand, negative example is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

批改：论证逻辑，从正反两方面阐释榜样的影响，逻辑严谨，但论证稍显笼统，可补充 “父母的行为会内化为孩子的行为准则” 等细节，使阐释更具说服力。

原文：,

批改：In brief... benefit 和 Therefore... practice 不能用逗号连接，应改为句号

原文：additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative example to ensure childeren’s

批改：additionally 首字母应大写。childeren 为拼写错误，应为 children。

批改：本段对全文进行了有力的总结，并提出了具有建设性的建议，但是要注意部分细节。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15/20 分

本文符合考研英语一大作文的写作要求，完整覆盖 “描述图画、阐释寓意、给出评论” 三大核心任务，采用 “图画描述 - 寓意阐释 - 总结评论” 的经典三段式结构，逻辑框架严谨，主旨提炼深刻，论证方向清晰。在图画描述部分，精准捕捉两幅图画的核心差异，对比鲜明；在寓意阐释部分，从正反两方面深入分析榜样的影响，逻辑严密；在总结评论部分，明确表达倡导正面榜样的观点，收尾有力。但文章仍存在一些细节问题：一是基础错误需警惕，包括拼写错误（如 “childeren’s”）、标点使用不规范、固定搭配遗漏（如 “ask sb. to do sth.”）等，这些细节失误会影响语言的准确性；二是语言表达的地道性有待提升，部分词汇搭配稍显牵强或冗余，需加强考研高频搭配和地道表达的积累；三是论证和评论的细节不足，部分阐释和评论稍显笼统，缺乏具体支撑，影响论证力度和评论深度。建议后续备考中，重点强化基础语法和拼写的纠错训练，积累高频地道表达和搭配，同时注重论证细节的补充，使文章在准确性、地道性和深刻性上进一步提升，冲击更高分数。

参考范文：

As is vividly depicted in the two cartoons, the left one shows a man sitting on the sofa, smoking and watching TV, while asking his son to study hard. In contrast, the right cartoon presents a different scene: the father is studying diligently alongside his son. Undoubtedly, the cartoonist aims to convey a profound message: positive role models are like beacons illuminating children’s growth path, whereas negative ones are barriers that impede their progress.

The implication of the cartoons is worth pondering. On the one hand, parents’ positive behaviors can profoundly inspire children’s enthusiasm for learning, foster their good habits, and promote their all-round development, laying a solid foundation for their future success. On the other hand, if parents fail to set a good example—indulging in leisure while demanding hard work from their children—it will not only arouse children’s resentment but also lead them to form negative values, which is harmful to their long-term growth. In fact, children tend to imitate their parents’ behaviors unconsciously, so parents’ actions are crucial to shaping their children’s personalities.

In conclusion, setting positive role models is of great significance to children’s healthy growth and social progress. Therefore, parents, as the first teachers of their children, should strive to behave properly and set good examples in daily life. Meanwhile, the whole society should advocate the importance of positive role models and guide people to realize that their behaviors can have a far-reaching impact on the younger generation. Only in this way can we help children grow up healthily and build a more harmonious society.

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