考研英语一2016年大作文写作方向与示例

当你坐在考研英语一考场，面对2016年大作文题目的那一瞬间，是否能快速组织起一篇结构清晰、表达地道的高分文章？本文这篇批改例文，正是考研英语一写作技巧话题下的标准范本，适合每一位考研英语备考生反复研读。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man asking his son to study hard, who is watching TV. On the contrary, in the right-hand, there is a father studying with his son together. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that taking action is the brush that paints a bright future while only slogan is the shackle that hinders progress

This phenomonon is thought-provoking in several ways but two of them are particulary signtficant. On the one hand, in modern society full of changes, chances, and challenges, positive actions has become a key factor that distinguishes exceptional individuals from ordinary people，and its significance has become increasingly evident. On the other hand, neglecting action is likely a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, taking active actions is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which children all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be actuely aware of the detrimental effects of just making requirements to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e left-hand cartoon, there is a man asking his son to study hard, who is watching TV. On the contrary, in the right-hand, there is a father studying with his son together. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that taking action is the brush that paints a bright future while only slogan is the shackle that hinders progress

批改：开篇描述清晰，对比结构使用得当。核心的比喻句“brush”和“shackle”用得十分精彩，生动地诠释了行动与空谈的差异！

原文：the right-hand, there

批改：in the right-hand” 后面建议补充 “cartoon” 或 “portrayal”，使对比更完整。“who is watching TV” 这个定语从句从语法上讲是修饰 “son” 的，这会造成歧义。可以调整为 “...while he himself is watching TV”，使指代更明确。

原文：is phenomonon is thought-provoking in several ways but two of them are particulary signtficant. On the one hand, in modern society full of changes, chances, and challenges, positive actions has become a key factor that distinguishes exceptional individuals from ordinary people，and its significance has become increasingly evident. On the other hand, neglecting action is likely a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

批改：本段从正反两方面论证了“行动”的重要性，逻辑清晰，说理透彻。“heavy chain”的比喻也与前文“shackle”形成了很好的呼应。

原文：henomonon is thought-provoking in several ways but two of them are particulary signtficant. On the one hand, in modern society full of changes, chances, and challenges, positive actions has bec

批改：拼写与语法：“phenomonon” 是 “phenomenon” 的拼写错误。“particulary signtficant” 应为 “particularly significant”。“positive actions has” 中，主语 “actions” 是复数，谓语动词应为 “have”。

原文：rief, taking active actions is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which children all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be actuely aware of the detrimental effects of just making requirements to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结有力，再次升华主题。“catalyst”（催化剂）和“detrimental effects”（有害影响）这两个高级词汇的使用非常准确，为文章增色不少

原文：aking active action

批改：“taking active actions” 有点重复， “taking action” 或 “positive actions” 两者择一即可。“actutely” 是 “acutely” 的拼写错误。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

你的作文内容切题，结构严谨，论证充分，并成功使用了高级词汇和复杂句式。主要的提升空间在于拼写的准确性和少数表达的精准度。

总评与建议：

同学，你这篇作文最让老师欣赏的是你严谨的结构和地道的修辞。你不仅能精准地描述漫画对比，还能运用“画笔”、“枷锁”、“催化剂”等一系列精彩的比喻，让说理非常有力，这非常难得！

当前，我们可以集中精力提升语言的精细度。你的宏观架构和词汇储备都很棒，现在需要让微观的拼写和语法细节与之完美匹配。我的核心建议是：

仔细检查拼写：完成初稿后，请务必留出时间快速检查一遍拼写，重点关注像“phenomenon”, “particularly”, “acutely”这类长难词的拼写。

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