考研英语一2016年大作文怎么写？附例文批改

思想品质、教育文化是考研英语大作文的高频命题方向，本文呈现的2016年考研英语一批改范例正是聚焦这一主旨。启航教育老师透过文章结构、衔接表达和结尾升华三方面，逐段展示了一篇考研英语作文真题范文高分范文的诞生过程。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon,there is a father playing games but making his son to study.On the contrary,there is also a father without any words but reading book with his son at a same period.

Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that standing a good example can exert a great influence both in our personal life and society.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant.First and foremost, while certain Chinese traditions may be outdated, the virtue of do a good example is one that should never lose its luster, as it is a crucial piece in shaping the admirable character of the Chinese people. What is more, a advanced example is not only merely a chronic poison that stifles potential, but also the Achilles’ heel of many youth.It silently erodes opportunities while warping the ladder of ascent into a self-destructive slide.

Therefore, making example which is a pervasive social phenomenon, is a double-edged sword which can have a profoundly positive or negative influence on the development of young people. When facing this phenomenon, we need to extract its essence while eliminating its drawbacks, delving into how to maximize the positive impact and effectively mitigate or alleviate the negative aspects.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：he left-hand cartoon,there is a father playing games but making his son to study.On the contrary,there is also a father without any words but reading book with his son at a same period. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that standing a good example can exert a great influence both in our personal life and society.

批改：你准确地概括了两幅漫画的核心对比，要点抓得很准

原文： with his son at

批改：“making his son to study”： 在动词 make 用作“使役”动词时，其后的宾语补足语应使用不带 to 的不定式，即 make sb. do sth.。所以这里可以调整为 making his son study。

原文：phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant.First and foremost, while certain Chinese traditions may be outdated, the virtue of do a good example is one that should never lose its luster, as it is a crucial piece in shaping the admirable character of the Chinese people. What is more, a advanced example is not only merely a chronic poison that stifles potential, but also the Achilles’ heel of many youth.It silently erodes opportunities while warping the ladder of ascent into a self-destructive slide.

批改：这一段展现了你的思辨能力，特别是将榜样比作“慢性毒药”和“阿喀琉斯之踵”，想法非常新颖

原文：erefore, making example which is a pervasive social phenomenon, is a double-edged sword which can have a profoundly positive or negative influence on the development of young people. When facing this phenomenon, we need to extract its essence while eliminating its drawbacks, delving into how to maximize the positive impact and effectively mitigate or alleviate the negative aspects.

批改：结尾段总结得非常出彩！“double-edged sword”的比喻用在这里十分贴切，而“extract its essence while eliminating its drawbacks”（取其精华，去其糟粕）的表述更是地道且富有哲理，是全文的一大亮点。

原文：the virtue of

批改：“the virtue of do a good example”： 介词 of 后面应接名词或动名词，所以这里应改为 setting a good example。

原文：a advanced example is not only merely a chronic poison that stifles potential, but also the Achilles’ heel of many youth.It silently erodes opportunities while warping the ladder of ascent i

批改：“a advanced example”： 单词 advanced 以元音音素开头，所以前面的不定冠词应用 an。 “not only merely”： not only 和 merely 意思重复，保留 not only 即可。 “many youth”： youth 作为“年轻人”的集合名词时，常用 many young people 或 the youth。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16

你这篇作文最让老师惊喜的是你展现出的批判性思维和强大的语言潜力。你不仅仅是在描述现象，更是在进行深入的思考，这是取得高分的关键。

为了帮助你更好地冲击最高分档，我为你梳理了两条核心建议：

强化逻辑的同一性：在提出分论点时，请确保它们都服务于同一个中心论点。比如这篇文章，如果中心论点是“榜样的力量是巨大的”，那么两个分论点可以分别从“好榜样的积极力量”和“坏榜样的消极力量”展开，这样文章的内在逻辑就会非常坚实、连贯。

巩固核心语块：你已经有意识使用高级表达了。现在可以建立一个“语块本”，将 set a good example, a double-edged sword, extract the essence and eliminate the drawbacks 这类地道搭配记录下来，并通过造句熟练运用，确保它们在考场上能准确无误地输出。

启航教育考研英语批改服务累计已帮助众多考生实现写作提分。本文精解的2016年考研英语一范文，正是来自启航教育写作批改的真实案例。想要获得同样专业的批改，扫描页面二维码或在线咨询即可预约考研英语作文真题范文免费批改名额。