考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大,一直是2010年考研英语一备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语一作文范文话题,给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文,文中不仅有逐句批注,还附有可复制的考研英语一高分写作模板。
一、考研英语一2010年大作文题目
考研英语一2010年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and 3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2010年大作文批改例文
As shown in the cartoon, there is a boiling hot pot contain many cultural factor, such as some celebrity,kungfu, polite,benevolent, ect. It"s extremely prosper and have many aspect meaning. Below the picture have a line words: "cultural hot pot, have both of delicious and nutrition. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is cultural blending that play an important role and continue developing both in our personal lives and in society.
This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, cultural blending is necessary trend in the contemrary, it"s beneficial to promote world peance and spirit culture development. What is more, it have greatly helpful to reinforce cultural confidence and murtinational culture communication and transportatin to gain more excellent essence and make national association, and learn more traditional and western knowledge.
In brief, cultural blending is the catalyst for social nation and personal development. from which We all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively promote and carry forword culture communication. Only by doing so can we develop individual potential and make our world shine with renewed brilliance.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:As shown in the cartoon, there is a boiling hot pot contain many cultural factor, such as some celebrity,kungfu, polite,benevolent, ect.
批改:存在较多语法错误,“contain”应改为“containing”;“factor”用词不当,这里用“elements”更合适;“polite”“benevolent”是形容词,不能直接列举,应改为名词形式;“ect”拼写错误,应为“etc”。
原文:It"s extremely prosper and have many aspect meaning.
批改:“prosper”是动词,这里应用形容词“prosperous”;“have”主谓不一致,应改为“has”;“aspect”用词不当,可改为“aspects”或者“layers”。
原文:Below the picture have a line words: "cultural hot pot, have both of delicious and nutrition.
批改:此句存在严重语法错误,“below the picture”是地点状语,后面缺少谓语动词,应改为“There is”;“a line words”应改为“a line of words”;“have both of”表述错误,可改为“has both”。delicious不是名词,不能接have后面;可以写is both delicious and nutritious。
原文:Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is cultural blending that play an important role and continue developing both in our personal lives and in society.
批改:“play”主谓不一致,应改为“plays”;“continue developing”表述不通顺,可改为“continues to develop”。
原文:This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant.
批改:表述正确,逻辑清晰,引出了下文要阐述的两个方面。
原文:First and foremost, cultural blending is necessary trend in the contemrary, it"s beneficial to promote world peance and spirit culture development.
批改:“necessary trend”缺少冠词“a”;“contemrary”拼写错误,应为“contemporary”;“world peance”拼写错误,应为“world peace”;“spirit culture”表述不准确,可改为“spiritual and cultural”。
原文:What is more, it have greatly helpful to reinforce cultural confidence and murtinational culture communication and transportatin to gain more excellent essence and make national association, and learn more traditional and western knowledge.
批改:存在多处语法错误,“it have”应改为“it is”;“greatly helpful”应改为“greatly helpful in”;“murtinational”拼写错误,应为“multinational”;“transportatin”拼写错误,应为“transportation”
原文:In brief, cultural blending is the catalyst for social nation and personal development. from which We all stand to benefit.
批改:“social nation”表述错误,可改为“social and national”;“from which We”中“We”首字母应大写为“we”,from前句号多余。
原文:herefore, we should actively promote and carry forword culture communication.
批改:“carry forword”拼写错误,应为“carry forward”;“culture communication”应改为“cultural communication”。
原文:Only by doing so can we develop individual potential and make our world shine with renewed brilliance.
批改:此句使用了倒装句式,强调了“Only by doing so”,表述正确且有力,升华了主题。
原文:As shown in the cartoon, there is a boiling hot pot contain many cultural factor, such as some celebrity,kungfu, polite,benevolent, ect. It"s extremely prosper and have many aspect meaning. Below the picture have a line words: "cultural hot pot, have both of delicious and nutrition. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is cultural blending that play an important role and continue developing both in our personal lives and in society
批改:描述漫画内容时存在较多语法和用词错误,导致信息传达不准确。对漫画意图的解释也有语法问题,影响了整体的表达效果。
原文:This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, cultural blending is necessary trend in the contemrary, it"s beneficial to promote world peance and spirit culture development. What is more, it have greatly helpful to reinforce cultural confidence and murtinational culture communication and transportatin to gain more excellent essence and make national association, and learn more traditional and western knowledge
批改:阐述文化融合的意义时,存在较多拼写、语法和表述错误,使得观点不够清晰有力。
原文:In brief, cultural blending is the catalyst for social nation and personal development. from which We all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively promote and carry forword culture communication. Only by doing so can we develop individual potential and make our world shine with renewed brilliance
批改:结尾部分对文化融合进行了总结和呼吁,但存在一些小错误,影响了整体的流畅性。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:8/20
题目要求:文章基本遵循了题目要求,对漫画进行了描述,解释了其意图,并给出了自己的评论。从结构上看,有描述、解释和评论三个部分,符合题目给出的写作框架。但是描述漫画部分过于简略且错误较多,没有精准、完整地呈现漫画中的关键元素和场景。
语言表达:部分语句能够使用一些较为复杂的结构,如倒装句“Only by doing so can we...”,试图增强表达的力度和强调效果。存在主谓不一致(如“it have”)、拼写错误(如“contemrary”“murtinational”等)、用词不当(如“factor”用于此处不准确、“polite”“benevolent”直接列举错误)等多种语法问题,严重影响了语言的准确性和流畅性。
内容层面:能够把握到漫画中文化融合这一核心主题,并围绕其阐述了文化融合对个人和社会发展的意义,如促进世界和平、增强文化自信等,有一定的思想深度。
修改建议:建议单词不要拼错,语法方面多下点功夫。
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