考研英语一2024年大作文实例分析与批改

考研英语写作想要突破20分瓶颈，仅靠背诵远远不够，必须通过范文精读+专业批改双管齐下。本文带来的2024年考研英语一高分批改范例，涵盖考研英语一大作文高频常考话题，逐句逐段剖析高分背后的逻辑链条。

一、考研英语一2024年大作文题目

考研英语一2024年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the picture and the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture and the chart briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2024年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand picture, there is a boy standing in a park and saying that this park is very beautiful. While, in the right-hand picture, the bar chart clearly depicts the number of parks in a certain city from 2020 to 2022. In 2020, the number of parks was 406, but by 2022, this figure had risen to 670.

The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build more parks, enabling people to do exercise in the park. In addition, as we all know, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives, significantly altering people’s behaviors and choices. Consequently, an increasing number of individuals have started paying more attention to health. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

What about future trends? I am confident that the number of parks will steadily increase in the following decades.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：aying that this park is very beautiful. While, in the righ

批改：...saying that this park is very beautiful. While, ... 这里的 While 用作连词连接两个句子时，前面通常不加逗号。可以改为 ...is very beautiful, while the bar chart... 或者用 Meanwhile 另起一句。

原文：e left-hand picture, there is a boy standing in a park and saying that this park is very beautiful. While, in the right-hand picture, the bar chart clearly depicts the number of parks in a certain city from 2020 to 2022. In 2020, the number of parks was 406, but by 2022, this figure had risen to 670.

批改：本段完成了对图片和图表的简要描述，要点齐全

原文：enabling people to do ex

批改：enabling people to do exercise in the park 中 do exercise 搭配不当，应改为 do exercises 或更地道的 exercise (动词) 或 get some exercise

原文：e core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build more parks, enabling people to do exercise in the park. In addition, as we all know, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives, significantly altering people’s behaviors and choices. Consequently, an increasing number of individuals have started paying more attention to health. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

批改：本段从政府行为和公众意识两个角度分析原因，思路很好。第一个论点可以表述得更实在，第二个论点的逻辑链条可以扣题更紧一些。结尾句 ...is unsurprising 可以升华一下，比如肯定这一变化的积极意义。

原文：hat about future trends? I am confident that the number of parks will steadily increase in the following decades.

批改：结尾段明确给出了预测

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：11分

这篇作文结构完整，逻辑清晰，很好地完成了题目要求的各项任务。

1. 语言方面：

你的语言运用能力是扎实的，句子通顺，能正确使用一些复杂的语法结构。需要注意的是，让表达更地道、更准确。比如，“do exercise”应改为“exercise”；

2. 结构方面：

你的三段式框架非常稳妥，段落间的衔接也做得不错。主要的提升空间在于论述的深度和扣题的紧密度。例如，在分析原因时，可以更直接地点明“对健康的关注”如何直接转化为“对公园的需求”；在结尾预测时，给出简单的理由会让结论更令人信服。

本文展示的2024年考研英语一范文可以提炼为考研英语一大作文的写作模板灵活复用。启航教育写作教研组归纳了6类常考话题高分模板，均纳入2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班，助你一次掌握考研英语作文的得分密码。