考研英语一2016年大作文写作方向与示例

作为考研英语备考的核心模块，2016年考研英语一大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文，紧扣考研英语一作文范文常见话题，由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改，详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点，是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand picture, there is a father sitting on the sofa with smoking and watching TV, while demanding his son to study hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand picture, there is a father working hard with his sons. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is the principal of example leading that plays an important and positive role both in our personal lives and in society.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, positive examples by parents can ignite children’s study ethusiasm, promote personal arowth and self-fulfillment, thus make their life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. Negative example by parents is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life. What is more, in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society, children have more and more study pressure. If parents only concern about their children"s study without being a good example, their children may have serious mental illness.

In brief, positive example is the catalyst for personal development.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e left-hand picture, there is a father sitting on the sofa with smoking and watching TV, while demanding his son to study hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand picture, there is a father working hard with his sons. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is the principal of example leading that plays an important and positive role both in our personal lives and in society.

批改：本段对两幅图的对比描述得很清楚，并成功点出了漫画的寓意

原文：a with smokin

批改：smoking（“抽烟”直接用现在分词smoking作状语即可，with是多余的）。

原文：principal of exampl

批改：the principal of example leading-> the principle of leading by example（“榜样引领的原则”，principle是“原则”，principal常指“校长”或“主要的”；“以身作则”的固定搭配是lead by example）。

原文： phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, positive examples by parents can ignite children’s study ethusiasm, promote personal arowth and self-fulfillment, thus make their life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. Negative example by parents is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life. What is more, in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society, children have more and more study pressure. If parents only concern about their children"s study without being a good example, their children may have serious mental illness.

批改：段从正反两个方面展开，思路是正确的

原文：ethusiasm, promote personal arowth and self-fulfillment, thus make their life rewarding and meaningful, rather th

批改：ethusiasm-> enthusiasm（拼写修正）。 arowth-> growth（拼写修正）。 thus make-> thus making（thus后面接现在分词短语作结果状语）。

原文：positive example is the catalyst for personal d

批改：段首的总结句很好，但段落内容过于简短，没有完成结论段总结全文和升华主题的任务。我们需要补充内容，使结尾完整有力

原文：ositive example is the cat

批改：本段只有一句话，作为一个结论段是不完整的。它需要一个更充分的总结和适当的升华或建议。 可以接着写：Therefore, it is crucial for parents to lead by example. Only in this way can children thrive in a healthy environment.

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

总评与建议：

同学，你的作文审题准确，结构意识强，并且能运用一些高级词汇，这是很好的基础！当前的提升点主要在于论证的深度、逻辑的严密性和文章的完整性。

深化论证层次：在提出观点后，可以尝试增加一句解释或一个具体的例子，说明观点为什么成立，而不仅仅是陈述观点。

优化段落逻辑：将联系紧密的论点（如坏榜样的危害与心理压力）进行整合，使段落内部逻辑更清晰、更紧凑。

确保结构完整：特别是结论段，需要对全文进行总结，并可以提出展望或建议，给文章一个完整的收尾。

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