对于考研英语一而言,2010年大作文常以图画形式呈现。本文精解的这篇图画批改范例,启航教育老师逐句解读图画细节、寓意提炼与评论展开三步走,是考研英语作文话题图画作文的经典教学样本。
一、考研英语一2010年大作文题目
考研英语一2010年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and 3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2010年大作文批改例文
As we can see from the drawing, there is a big hot pot. Inside the pot, there are many different things, like "Buddhism", "Confucianism", "Shakespeare" and "Einstein". The hot pot is burning, and the words below say it is "delicious and nutritious".
What does this drawing mean? I think it shows the mix of different cultures. Today, more and more cultures come together. Just like the hot pot, different cultural things are put together, and they make a good mix. This is good because we can learn from other cultures.
In my opinion, cultural mixing is a good thing. We should keep our own culture, and also accept other good cultures. This way, our life will be more colorful, just like the hot pot is tasty. So we need to be open to different cultures
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:As we can see from the drawing, there is a big hot pot.
批改:表述清晰自然,使用常见的“as we can see from...”句式引出要描述的内容,简单直接地指出图画中有大火锅这一关键信息。
原文:Inside the pot, there are many different things, like "Buddhism", "Confucianism", "Shakespeare" and "Einstein".
批改:详细说明了火锅内的物品,用“like”列举不同文化元素,能快速了解图画所呈现的多元文化内容。
原文:The hot pot is burning, and the words below say it is "delicious and nutritious".
批改:描述了火锅的状态以及下方文字内容,“delicious and nutritious”形象地比喻了不同文化融合带来的良好效果,为后文阐述文化融合的意义做铺垫。
原文:What does this drawing mean? I think it shows the mix of different cultures.
批改:以提问的方式自然过渡到对图画意义的解释,然后直接表明观点,即图画展示了不同文化的融合,逻辑清晰。
原文:Today, more and more cultures come together. Just like the hot pot, different cultural things are put together, and they make a good mix.
批改:结合现实情况,将文化融合比作火锅中食材的混合,使抽象的文化融合概念变得具体形象,易于理解。
原文:This is good because we can learn from other cultures.
批改:进一步阐述文化融合的好处,即可以从其他文化中学习,但表述较为简略。
原文:In my opinion, cultural mixing is a good thing
批改:明确表达自己对文化融合的看法,观点清晰。
原文:We should keep our own culture, and also accept other good cultures.
批改:提出对待文化融合的正确态度,即保持自身文化的同时接受其他优秀文化,具有一定的指导意义。
原文:This way, our life will be more colorful, just like the hot pot is tasty. So we need to be open to different cultures
批改:再次用火锅作比,说明保持开放态度对待不同文化能让生活更丰富多彩,呼应前文,使文章逻辑连贯。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:14/20
题目要求:作文紧密围绕题目要求展开。首先对图画进行了较为清晰的描述,包括火锅这一主体、锅内的多元文化元素以及下方文字。接着深入解释了图画的意图,即不同文化的融合,并阐述了这种融合带来的好处。最后给出了自己对文化融合的看法和态度,满足了题目中描述图画、解释意义和给出评论的三个要求。
语言表达:运用了比喻的修辞手法,将不同文化的融合比作火锅中食材的混合,如“Just like the hot pot, different cultural things are put together, and they make a good mix”,使抽象的文化融合概念变得具体可感
内容层面:在文中明确表达了自己对文化融合的积极态度,认为文化融合是一件好事,我们应该保持自身文化的同时接受其他优秀文化,观点清晰且具有正能量。
修改建议:替换一些基础词汇为更高级、更具表现力的词汇。例如将“good”替换为“beneficial”“advantageous”等;将“learn from”替换为“derive insights from”“absorb the essence of”等。适当使用复合句、倒装句、强调句等复杂句式,增强文章的节奏感和表现力。例如可以使用定语从句来修饰文化元素,如“The cultural elements, such as Buddhism and Confucianism, which have a long - standing history in China, are put into the hot pot of cultural fusion.”
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