考研英语二2011年大作文失分点批改

本文精选了一篇得分13分以上的2011年考研英语二大作文高分范例，并附启航老师对该范文的逐句批改。文中清晰展示了考研英语写作锦囊评分细则中关于语法多样性、词汇丰富度与逻辑连贯性的得分技巧，是考研英语学习的高价值内容。

一、考研英语二2011年大作文题目

考研英语二2011年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart and 2) give your comments. You should write at least 150 words. Write your essay on ANSWER SHEET 2. (15 points)

二、考研英语二2011年大作文批改例文

The bar chart clearly depicts the proportion of partial car brands from 2008 to 2009 in China. In 2008, the percentage of domestic brands was approximately 25%, but by 2009, this rate had substantially risen to around 30%. In contrast, the proportion of Japanese brands experienced a significant decline of about 10% during the same period. Simultaneously, the percentage of American brands remained stable and steady.

The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dunamic development, the younger generation, particularly those born in the 1980s and 1990s, are accustomed to using domestic appliances and have become the primary consumer group. In addition, Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound transformation. In my view, the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China"s manufacturing industry in responding to these changes. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

What about future trends? I am confident that the proportion of domestic brands will steadily increase in the following decades. In contrast, the proportion of Janpanese brands will likely continue to decrease.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：partial car brands

批改：可以说 different automobile brands

原文：approximately

批改：有意识地运用一些小词很不错，也可以说nearly

原文：The bar chart clearly depicts the proportion of partial car brands from 2008 to 2009 in China.

批改：首段概括图表内容可以参考如下 “The bar chart clearly depicts the change of the market shares among Chinese, Japanese and American automobile brands from 2008 to 2009.”

原文：a significant decline of

批改：多储备表变化的名词、动词、形容词、副词或词组在写作过程中会很有帮助，名词包括像 growth/reduction，动词像 increase/drop，副词和动词搭配如 slightly decrease，运用起来让人眼前一亮

原文：stable and steady

批改：stable和steady意思相近，删去其中一个

原文：The bar chart clearly depicts the proportion of partial car brands from 2008 to 2009 in China. In 2008, the percentage of domestic brands was approximately 25%, but by 2009, this rate had substantially risen to around 30%. In contrast, the proportion of Japanese brands experienced a significant decline of about 10% during the same period. Simultaneously, the percentage of American brands remained stable and steady.

批改：首段概括了图表内容，且较为准确地描述了图中各项数据和它们之间的变化，需要注意由于图表类型的不同（柱状图/折线图/饼状图等）有时还需描述最大值、最小值，可以积累类似短语如at the peak of…/at the bottom of…；除此之外，丰富用词，变换表达，像percentage/proportion/rate类似意思就存在多种表达方式，这样文章语言也就不会那么受限了

原文：dunamic

批改：正确写法为 dynamic

原文：appliances

批改：appliance指家电，这里指的是汽车，用vehicle

原文：industry

批改：可删去，manufacturing表示的就是制造业，也可以说car manufacturing

原文：in responding to

批改：这一短语用的好，也可以说 in response to

原文：To start with, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dunamic development, the younger generation, particularly those born in the 1980s and 1990s, are accustomed to using domestic appliances and have become the primary consumer group.

批改：给出的第一个原因是国家经济发展，年轻群体成为国产汽车的主要消费群体，从“国家”和“个人”的角度展开论述

原文：In addition, Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound transformation.

批改：第二个原因则是社会巨变，抓住了“社会”这一角度

原文：In my view, the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China"s manufacturing industry in responding to these changes.

批改：最后又提到了汽车产业的蓬勃发展，拓展到了第三个主体角度“市场/企业”

原文：The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dunamic development, the younger generation, particularly those born in the 1980s and 1990s, are accustomed to using domestic appliances and have become the primary consumer group. In addition, Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound transformation. In my view, the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China"s manufacturing industry in responding to these changes. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

批改：主干部分的行文思路是很好的，抓住了“国家-社会-市场/企业-个人”等主体展开论述，角度全面但不够具体，有待改善的地方是应对上图所展现的趋势，也就是对首段描述的图表内容先给出一个自己的观点，再分析产生上图这种趋势或现象的原因1/2/3，以“总-分”的方式论述会更好

原文：Janpanese

批改：正确写法为 Japanese

原文：likely continue to

批改：这里可以直接用 be likely to “很可能...”

原文：What about future trends? I am confident that the proportion of domestic brands will steadily increase in the following decades. In contrast, the proportion of Janpanese brands will likely continue to decrease.

批改：结尾预测未来国产汽车品牌的市场份额仍将继续扩大，建议把三种品牌未来的发展趋势都谈一谈，也可以对作为市场主体的国产汽车制造商或汽车企业提出“怎么做”的一些建议，如引进更多技术提升产品质量

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：8/15

1）内容上：概括了图表内容，数据及其变化描述较准确；

2）语言上：部分表达较为出彩，遣词造句可以更灵活；

3）结构上：文章角度全面，但论述条理欠佳，缺乏行文框架和逻辑；

4）学习建议：

有待提升的主要有以下几个方面，一是需要注意判断和区分不同的图表应该如何描述，学会看图，根据不同的图表类型表述图中的数据/位置/占比、相互关系和变化等；二是描述图表时，要有意识积累运用可替换的表达，多积累表变化的动词、表程度的副词和描述最大最小值的一些短语，描述图表会更准确形象；三是文章可以从“国家-社会-市场/企业-个人”等主体展开，按“是什么（提观点）——为什么（析原因）——怎么做（结尾总结预测+提措施/做法）”的逻辑展开，这样更清晰明了；四针对现象-原因型文章，主要分析是什么原因导致该种趋势或现象的发生，写作过程中按三个主体的角度组织表达会让文章更有条理，如：由于社会经济发展，综合国力提升——一方面人们购买力提升，另一方面国产汽车品牌有着自身优势广受欢迎，从而使人们对国产品牌更有信心——因此国产汽车品牌份额呈持续上升

本文精解的2011年考研英语二范文，在启航教育AI智能批改系统中拿到了高分评价。快速揪出失分点，对着薄弱点学提升更快，是考研英语写作锦囊备考的贴心帮手。扫码预约，免费体验考研英语作文AI智能批改。