考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大,一直是2023年考研英语二备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语二作文真题话题,给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文,文中不仅有逐句批注,还附有可复制的考研英语二高分写作模板。
一、2023年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2023年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe and interpret the chart, and 2) give your comments. Write your answer in about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)
二、2023年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The above line chart, in numerical form, distinctly presents different proportions concerning health literacy of Chinese residents between 2012 and 2021. To be specific, the percentages of health literacy level ascended gradually from 8.80% in 2012 to 25.40% in 2021. More strikingly, the ratios between 2012 and 2016 rose more moderately from 8.80% to 11.58%.
Apparently, we are supposed to place more attention on this trend demonstrated in the chart rather than its superficial appearance. Several factors , from my perspective, can be responsible for this.In the first place, it is directly associated with overall economic growth and climbing residents" revenue. Indeed, compared with the past , an increasing number of individuals have more opportunities to attain effective and whole medical care. What"s more, this tide, to some degree, may stem from changing youngsters" attitude, which will encourage people to focus on their own physical and mental health. And it is undeniable that these measures have made our lives more enjoyable and healthier .
In my opinion, this established trend is an inevitable result of social progress. Thus, it can be well predicted that this trend will keep going in the foreseeable future, and it will exert great influence on our life.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:More strikingly, the ratios between 2012 and 2016 rose more moderately from 8.80% to 11.5
批改:逻辑矛盾。More strikingly(更引人瞩目的是)引导的应是一个更突出的趋势,但后面描述的却是 rose more moderately(上升得更缓慢),前后情感色彩不一致。
批改:本段准确地描述了图表的核心数据,并清晰地呈现了上升趋势。语言正式,使用了 ascended gradually 等不错的词汇。但在细节处理上存在一处逻辑衔接问题,削弱了描述的精准度。
原文:limbing residents" revenue.
批改: “rising residents" income”更常见一点
原文: effective and whole medical car
批改:“attain effective and whole medical care” 改为 “access comprehensive and effective medical services”这样更自然地道
原文: changing youngsters" attitude,
批改:“changing youngsters" attitude” 改为 “young people’s shifting attitudes”,复数形式更贴合泛指场景
原文:these measures h
批改:these measures(这些措施)在前文并未被提及,属于突然出现的新概念
原文:r .
批改:本段围绕 “解读图表趋势” 展开,原因分析角度合理,逻辑框架清晰,贴合 “健康素养提升” 的核心主题。虽存在指代模糊的问题,但核心论证无偏差,语义传递流畅,已完成 “阐释趋势原因” 的核心任务,说服力较强。
批改:结尾预测趋势将持续,与前文原因分析形成呼应,逻辑连贯,符合图表作文 “评论段” 的写作要求,收尾简洁有力。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:11/15 分
本文整体符合考研英语二大作文要求,完整覆盖 “描述解读图表 + 给出评论” 两大核心任务,逻辑框架清晰,准确捕捉 “居民健康素养持续上升” 的核心趋势。亮点突出:图表描述精准,数据呈现有条理;原因分析角度全面,论证逻辑连贯;语言表达书面化程度高,句式变化丰富,体现良好的语言驾驭能力。主要扣分点集中在两方面:一是少量表述稍显宽泛或指代模糊,影响语义精准度;二是个别表达可进一步优化以提升地道性。整体属于中高分水平,修正细节后可冲击更高分。
参考范文
The line chart clearly illustrates a remarkable improvement in health literacy among Chinese residents from 2012 to 2021, with the rate rising steadily from 8.8% to 25.4%.
Several factors contribute to this trend. Firstly, it is closely related to overall economic growth and rising residents" income, which enables more people to access comprehensive and effective medical services. Secondly, young people’s shifting attitudes have played a role, encouraging the public to pay more attention to physical and mental health. These positive changes have laid a solid foundation for the improvement of health literacy.
In my opinion, this trend is an inevitable result of social progress. It can be predicted that the upward trend will continue in the foreseeable future, exerting a positive and far-reaching impact on people’s quality of life and social development. This fully reflects the continuous improvement of people’s living standards and social civilization.
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