思想品质、教育文化是考研英语大作文的高频命题方向,本文呈现的2017年考研英语一批改范例正是聚焦这一主旨。启航教育老师透过文章结构、衔接表达和结尾升华三方面,逐段展示了一篇考研英语写作冲刺高分范文的诞生过程。
一、考研英语一2017年大作文题目
考研英语一2017年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and 3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2017年大作文批改例文
In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man, having a large number of books. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, another man is making a plan of reading 20 books. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that practical is the brush that paints a bright future, while unreality is the shackle that hinders progress.
This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, practicaling can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and selffulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-
consuming.On the other hand,unreality is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s
progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.
In brief, practical is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we
all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of unreality to ensure our growth stays on course.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:he left-hand cartoon, there is a man, having a large number of books. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, another man is making a plan of reading 20 books. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that practical is the brush that paints a bright future, while unreality is the shackle that hinders progress.
批改:本段清晰地描述了两幅图的对比,并成功提炼出核心寓意
原文:ight-hand portrayal, another
批改:right-hand portrayal-> right-hand panel或 right-hand picture(保持用词一致)。 practical/ unreality-> being practical/ being unrealistic或 pragmatism/ unrealistic thinking(抽象概念作主语时,常用动名词或抽象名词)。
原文:racticaling can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and selffulfillment, thus making life rew
批改:practicing-> practicing(拼写修正)或 being practical(使用动名词短语)。 selffulfillment-> self-fulfillment(增加连字符)。
原文: phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, practicaling can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and selffulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self- consuming.On the other hand,unreality is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.
批改:本段采用正反对比论证,结构清晰。主要的提升空间在于让论点的阐述与漫画场景结合得更紧密。我们可以将“务实”的益处更直接地关联到“行动”这个核心上
原文:practical is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. T
批改:practical is-> being practical is或 pragmatism is(主语需用名词性成分)。 unreality-> unrealistic thinking(使用更常见的搭配)。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:15
总评与建议:
同学,你的作文审题准确,结构工整,特别是比喻修辞和对比论证的运用非常出彩,这为你获取高分奠定了很好的基础!
如果希望在现有的好基础上追求卓越,我们可以聚焦于核心概念的准确表达和论证的聚焦度:
确保概念表述准确:将“practical/unreality”这类形容词/名词,替换为更标准的书面语表达(如being practical, unrealistic thinking),能立刻提升文章的严谨度。
让论证紧扣行动:在阐述“务实”的益处时,可以更紧密地结合漫画中的“阅读行动”,说明具体的行动如何带来成长,使论证更具针对性。
启航教育考研英语批改服务累计已帮助众多考生实现写作提分。本文精解的2017年考研英语一范文,正是来自启航教育写作批改的真实案例。想要获得同样专业的批改,扫描页面二维码或在线咨询即可预约考研英语写作冲刺免费批改名额。
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