本文将启航教育一对一批改过的2017年考研英语一高分范文进行公开呈现。批改老师对文中每一个失分细节进行了精确标注,对照考研英语作文批改热点话题与评分细则,你可以快速了解考研英语写作的提分方向。
一、考研英语一2017年大作文题目
考研英语一2017年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and 3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2017年大作文批改例文
The cartoon provides us with a thought- provoking scene: on the left of the picture, the man sitting on the sofa , laziness as well as unhappy, says "I have a host of books." However,another person in the right picture are sitting in front of the desk saying"I will try my best to read 20 books this year".The intended meaning of the drawing is quite evident: at no time should the folking underestimate the significance of taking action immediately.
There exist plenty of causes accounting for my opinion in various aspects. First of all, for instance, my roommat,Martin,was passionate about taking action after doing a detailed plan, which brings him more chance to learn new knowledge about our majority. During this period, we all admire him. Furthermore, a rising number of individuals are coming to redization that the extenting our horizon is strongly dependent on taking action immediately. In the end, if we ignore the importance of taking action, our society and nation would confront with an unpromising and fruitless future.
To sum up, by no means should we give up our efforts to take action immediately. Parents and teachers can set a good example for their children through their behavior. In this way, hopefully, we may have a better futher.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:the man sitting on the sofa , laziness as well as unhappy,
批改:“laziness(名词)” 与 “unhappy(形容词)” 无法并列,应改为 “the man sitting on the sofa, looking lazy and unhappy”
原文:are sitting
批改:主谓不一致,“person” 是单数主语,谓语改为 “is sitting”
原文:he folking
批改:people
原文:at no time should the folking underestimate the significance of taking action immediately.
批改:主语搭配不当,“at no time” 倒装句的主语应为 “we” 或 “people”,改为 “at no time should we underestimate”。
原文:roommat
批改:roommate
原文:our majority
批改:“majority” 是 “多数”,此处指 “专业” 应改为 “our major”
原文:coming to redization
批改:coming to realization
原文:extenting
批改:expanding
原文:horizon
批改:horizons
原文:confront with
批改:“confront” 是及物动词,直接接宾语(“confront an unpromising future”),或用 “be confronted with”。
原文:futher
批改:future
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:11分
你的作文有意识地运用了 “at no time”“by no means” 这类倒装句式,能看出你在尝试用复杂句型提升作文的表达层次,同时也准确抓住了图画 “‘空想’vs‘行动’” 的核心主题,这一点值得鼓励。
不过这次作文有几个需要重点改进的地方:
基础错误要严格规避:拼写、语法(主谓一致)、搭配(“confront” 的用法)这些基础失误,会直接影响阅卷老师对语言功底的判断,建议你写完后花 3-5 分钟逐词通读,把高频易错词整理下来反复记忆;
图画描述要更清晰规范:开篇的图画描述是大作文的 “开篇印象分”,要把 “左图男孩坐拥书籍却懒散空想,右图男孩主动规划读书行动” 的对比讲清楚,避免结构混乱的表述;
例子要紧扣主题:你用的 “室友做计划学专业知识” 的例子,和 “读书的空想 vs 行动” 的核心主题关联不够紧密,可以调整为 “我的朋友之前只囤书不读,后来像右图男孩一样规划每月读 2 本,最终完成了读书目标”,这样例子会更贴合图画主题;
你的作文在句型运用和主题把握上已经有了不错的意识,只要把基础错误改对、让例子更贴合主题,分数会有明显提升!下次练习时可以先列个小提纲,把 “图画描述→主题→贴合主题的例子→结尾” 的逻辑理清楚再动笔,继续加油~
读懂范文只是第一步,写出高分作文才是关键。启航教育提供考研英语作文免费批改服务,由资深讲师逐句点评,让你清晰掌握考研英语作文批改写作锦囊的核心要点。2027考研英语备考,从一篇专业批改开始。
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