考研英语一2024年大作文实例分析与批改

想在考研英语一大作文中写出有深度的论证段落？本文精解的2024年考研英语一真题范文，从论据选择、过渡句使用到结尾点题都极具参考价值。启航教育考研英语教研组对该篇范文的批注，有助于考生建立完善的写作逻辑。

一、考研英语一2024年大作文题目

考研英语一2024年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the picture and the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture and the chart briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2024年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand picture, there are many people sporting in nearby park and saying that the new park is very nice.On the contrary ,in the right-hand portrayal,the bar chart depicts the number of parks of one city from 2020 to 2022.In 2020,the number of parks is 406 ,but by 2022, this figure had gradually risen to 670. Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that health is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal and in society.

The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant.First of all,as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound sport system, enabling people to have ample opportunities for exercise. What"s more, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives ,significantly altering people"s behaviors and choices. Consequently, an increasing number of individuals have started paying more attention to health.

What"s about future trends?I"m confident that the number of parks is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：-hand picture, there are many people sporting in nearby park and saying that the new park is very nice.On the contrary ,in the right-hand portrayal,the bar chart depicts the number of parks of one city from 2020 to 2022.In 2020,the number of parks is 406 ,but by 2022, this figure had gradually risen to 670. Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that health is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal and in society.

批改：你准确地描述了两幅图的核心信息，并尝试进行对比和总结

原文：chestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound sport system, enabling people to have ample opportunities for exercise. What"s more, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives ,significantly altering people"s behaviors and choices. Consequently, an increasing number of individuals have started paying more attention to health.

批改：你从政府建设和公共意识两个角度分析原因，论证框架清晰，并且使用了生动的修辞

原文： trends?I"m confident that the number of parks is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades.

批改：你对未来趋势做出了合理预测，并提升了立意

原文：hat"s about future trend

批改："What"s about" 是常见错误，正确表达是 "What about"。 "I"m" 在正式写作中建议写成 "I am"。

原文：sound sport system

批改："sport system" 应改为 "sports system" 或 "fitness infrastructure"。

原文：porting in nearby park and saying that the new park is very nice.On the contrary ,in the right-hand portrayal,the bar chart depicts the number of parks of one city from 2020 to 2022.In 2020,the n

批改：sporting" 作为动词使用不太常见，建议改为 "exercising" 或 "doing sports"。 "nearby park" 缺少冠词，应为 "a nearby park"。 "On the contrary" 使用不当，这里并非转折关系，建议改为 "Meanwhile" 或 "In the corresponding chart"。

原文：portrayal,the bar chart depicts the number of parks of one city from 2020 to 2022.In 2020,the number of parks is 406 ,but by 2022, this figure had gradually risen to 670. Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that health is an issue that requires great attention both in

批改："portrayal" 用词不准确，应改为 "chart" 或 "graph"。 "the number of parks is 406" 时态错误，应使用过去时 "was 406"。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

总评：

你的作文结构严谨，论证清晰，能够从具体现象出发进行有深度的分析，并且能运用富有文采的修辞手法。当前，主要的提升空间在于逻辑衔接的自然度

修改建议

你的作文已经具备了很好的基础。下一步，建议你特别关注三个细节：第一，确保逻辑衔接词（如on the contrary）的精准使用；第二，记忆"a nearby park"这类固定搭配中的冠词使用；第三，在结尾预测时，习惯性地补充一句简单的依据。这些微调将让你的作文在流畅度和说服力上更上一层楼。

无论你是2026年考生还是备战2027考研英语，精读本文的2024年考研英语一批改范例都能为你的写作带来提升。启航教育的写作主讲与AI智能批改系统全天候待命，为你的考研英语一作文模板冲刺保驾护航。