考研英语一2016年大作文怎么写？附例文批改

思想品质、教育文化是考研英语大作文的高频命题方向，本文呈现的2016年考研英语一批改范例正是聚焦这一主旨。启航教育老师透过文章结构、衔接表达和结尾升华三方面，逐段展示了一篇考研英语作文真题范文高分范文的诞生过程。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

There are two pictures shows two different families. In one picture, a father playing video games asks his son to study harder.But another picture shows a father studying just like his son.Beneath the picture is a sentence:instead of just making requests,it is better to be a model.

These two pictures intend to tell us that it will be unconvincing to tell your son to study harder if you are not a good example. In my opinion, a good example is very important in family education. Children are more likely to follow actions rather than words. If you are playing games on the computer, your child will also want to play.On the contrary, if you are studying,your children will be more willing to learn.Parents are the first teachers of the child,what you do will deeply influence your child.Nowadays,parents always ask their child to study harder, but they forget that children would not listen to you if you are a bad example.Your behavior will deeply change your child,as you become who you spend your time with.

If we once become a parent, we should behave more enterprising and try our best to be a better teacher of our child. Remember: actions speak louder than words.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：There are two pictures shows two different families. In one picture, a father playing video games asks his son to study harder.But another picture shows a father studying just like his son.Beneath the picture is a sentence:instead of just making requests,it is better to be a model.

批改：①“There are two pictures shows” 句式杂糅，应为 “Two pictures depict two different family scenes” 或 “There are two pictures showing...”（用现在分词作后置定语）；"But" 作为连词，更地道的用法是与前句用逗号连接，如 "...study harder, but another picture..."。独立成句时，常用 "However"。② 标语呈现不规范，“instead of just making requests...” 首字母应大写，且需加引号规范标注，即 “Instead of just making requests, it is better to be a model”；③ “studying just like his son” 可优化为 “studying side by side with his son”，更贴合“共同学习”的场景。

原文：mo

批改：本段基本完成了对图片的描述任务，要点（两个场景和一句标语）都已涵盖。但在语法准确性、句子衔接和标点规范上存在问题，影响了语言的流畅度和专业性。

原文：These two pictures intend to tell us that it will be unconvincing to tell your son to study harder if you are not a good example. In my opinion, a good example is very important in family education. Children are more likely to follow actions rather than words. If you are playing games on the computer, your child will also want to play.On the contrary, if you are studying,your children will be more willing to learn.Parents are the first teachers of the child,what you do will deeply influence your child.Nowadays,parents always ask their child to study harder, but they forget that children would not listen to you if you are a bad example.Your behavior will deeply change your child,as you become who you spend your time with

批改：① 语法与标点错误，“Parents are the first teachers of the child,what you do...” 为逗号连接两个独立分句，应改为 “Parents are the first teachers of children, and what they do will deeply influence their kids”；② 词汇单复数混乱，“the child”“their child” 应改为复数 “children” 表泛指。

原文：Children are more likely to follow actions rather than word

批改：更地道的说法是 "Children are more inclined to emulate what we do than what we say."

原文：ents always ask their child to study harder, but they forget that children would not listen to you if you are a bad ex

批改：人称指代不一致，前文是 "parents" 和 "their child"，这里突然转为 "you"，显得突兀。应保持第三人称，如 "they would not listen to their parents"

批改：本段是文章的核心论证部分，能够准确解读图片寓意，并围绕“以身作则”的重要性展开，观点明确。逻辑结构清晰，运用了对比论证（If you are playing... / On the contrary, if you are studying...）。主要问题在于语法错误（逗号粘连、指代），以及部分表达不够地道，削弱了论证的说服力。

原文：e once become a parent, we should behave more enterprising and try our best to be a better teacher of our child. Remember: actions speak louder than word

批改：①“If we once become a parent” 表述不当，应为 “When we become parents”（“once” 多余，“parent” 用复数）；② 词汇搭配不当，“behave more enterprising” 应为 “be more enterprising” 或 “behave in a more enterprising way”（“enterprising” 修饰人，不直接修饰“behave”）；③ 表达生硬，“try our best to be a better teacher of our child” 可优化为 “strive to be better role models for our children”，更贴合“榜样”的核心主题。

批改：本段作为结论段，功能明确，提出了对未来的期望和呼吁，并以一句有力的谚语收尾，结构完整。但同样存在几处关键的语法和用词错误，使得结尾的力度受到一定影响。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：13/20分

本文能够准确把握漫画的核心主旨，即“以身作则胜于口头要求”，并围绕这一主题展开了清晰的描述、解读和评论。文章结构完整，遵循了“描述-解读-评论”的写作要求，逻辑思路是顺畅的。然而，本文的主要失分点在于语言表达的基本功不够扎实。文中出现了多处语法错误，包括主谓不一致、逗号粘连、词性混淆和人称指代不统一等。这些错误虽然大多不影响理解，但影响了语言的准确性与流畅度，使得文章显得不够成熟和老练。此外，部分表达可以更地道、更精炼。综合来看，作文在主题理解上无偏差，若能优先修正语法错误，优化句式结构，精简冗余表达，补充逻辑衔接词，分数可显著提高1-3分。作文写作思路不错，可以看得出是自己写的，没有生搬硬套模版，优化细节，作文会更好，加油~

启航教育考研英语批改服务累计已帮助众多考生实现写作提分。本文精解的2016年考研英语一范文，正是来自启航教育写作批改的真实案例。想要获得同样专业的批改，扫描页面二维码或在线咨询即可预约考研英语作文真题范文免费批改名额。