考研英语一2016年大作文真题与例文批改

一篇高分的考研英语大作文，常常具备结构清晰、句式多变、词汇地道三大特点。本文精解的2016年考研英语一批改范例，每一段都体现了这三大要素，启航教育考研英语一写作技巧教研组对该范文进行了详细的亮点标注。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

2016大作文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father watching TV and saying to his son to study hard, without any action and with smoking. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a father and his son study together. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that setting oneself example to children is the brush that paints a bright future, while it will be a shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, making an example for children brings numerous benefits to the growth of teenagers. It’s can nurture toenagers" souls, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, neglecting education is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, family education is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of nelecting family education to ensure growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：the left-hand cartoon, there is a father watching TV and saying to his son to study hard, without any action and with smoking. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a father and his son study together. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that setting oneself example to children is the brush that paints a bright future, while it will be a shackle that hinders progress.

批改： 你对两幅图画的对比描述非常准确，直击要害。结尾的总结句也清晰地指出了“以身作则”的重要性。

原文：while it will be a sh

批改：“while being inactive and smoking”。“setting oneself example to children” 存在搭配错误，地道的表达是 “setting a good example for children” 或 “leading by example”。“while it will be a shackle” 中的 “it” 指代稍显模糊，可以明确为 “while a poor example will be the shackle”。

原文：s phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, making an example for children brings numerous benefits to the growth of teenagers. It’s can nurture toenagers" souls, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, neglecting education is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

批改：本段从正反两方面论证，结构清晰。“heavy chain”的比喻非常生动，后续的论述也很有力。

原文：It’s can nurture toenagers" souls, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding

批改：“It’s can” 是明显的语法错误，“It"s” 是 “It is” 的缩写，这里直接使用 “It can” 即可。“toenagers” 拼写错误，应为 “teenagers”。

原文：brief, family education is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of nelecting family education to ensure growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结有力，并将主题明确为“家庭教育”，使用了“catalyst”等高级词汇。

原文：nelecting fam

批改：“nelecting” 拼写错误，应为 “neglecting”。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16分

总体评分与建议

你的文章结构稳固，立意准确，论证清晰，并且能使用高级词汇和复杂句式。主要的提升空间在于进一步提升语言搭配的地道性和确保核心概念在全文中的一致性。

修改建议

对于“树立榜样”这个核心概念，记住 “set a good example” 这个最地道的搭配，并在全文统一使用，这能让你的表达立刻显得更老练。

保持论述焦点的统一：在总结时，确保结尾的核心词（如“家庭教育”）与前文详细论证的对象（如“父母的榜样作用”）完美呼应，这样文章的整体感会更强。

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