考研英语一2016年大作文失分点批改

本文精选了一篇得分13分以上的2016年考研英语一大作文高分范例，并附启航老师对该范文的逐句批改。文中清晰展示了考研英语写作锦囊评分细则中关于语法多样性、词汇丰富度与逻辑连贯性的得分技巧，是考研英语学习的高价值内容。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man, watching TV and claiming his son to learning hardly. On the contrary, in the right-hand cartoon, there is a man, studing hardly with his son. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that the positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future, while the negative examples are the shackle that hinders progress.

The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particulary significant. On the one hard, the positive examples can ignite children’s creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, the negative examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, the positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of the negative examples to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：learning

批改：这里to是不定式，改成learn

原文：hardly

批改：hardly是几乎不，hard是努力地

原文：studing

批改：studying

原文：hardly

批改：hard

原文：In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man, watching TV and claiming his son to learning hardly. On the contrary, in the right-hand cartoon, there is a man, studing hardly with his son. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that the positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future, while the negative examples are the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：能够完整全面的描述出图画中的现象，并能够直接点明作文的主题。

原文：particulary

批改：particularly

原文：hard

批改：hand

原文：The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particulary significant. On the one hard, the positive examples can ignite children’s creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, the negative examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

批改：能够通过正反两方面进行论述来突出论点，能够运用逻辑关系词，使得句子之间衔接较为连贯。

原文：In brief, the positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of the negative examples to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：能够提出自己的建议，起到了总结和再次呼应主题的作用。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15/20

内容切题，全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面，注意避免拼写错误，以及区分同一单词的不同含义和用法；句式方面，句子结构完整连贯；逻辑结构清晰完整，论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子，结构清晰。

修改建议：可以看出作文完成的很认真，无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰，值得表扬。如果能够再注意避免以上的一些小的细节性错误会更好。继续加油。

本文精解的2016年考研英语一范文，在启航教育AI智能批改系统中拿到了高分评价。快速揪出失分点，对着薄弱点学提升更快，是考研英语写作锦囊备考的贴心帮手。扫码预约，免费体验考研英语作文AI智能批改。