考研英语一2016年大作文怎么写？附例文批改

正在备考考研英语的你，是否还在为2016年考研英语一大作文的写法犯愁？本文精选一篇高分组同学的批改例文，系统梳理考研英语作文万能句型的常考话题与写作框架。透过启航教育老师的逐段点评，你能直观感受高分作文的得分诀窍。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a adult man sitting on the sofa, smoking,watching TV and saying that his son must study hard, and his son sitting on the desk. feeling sad.On the contrary, in the right hand, the is a father study with his son together. Evidently the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that a right example is the brush that paints a bright future, while a wrong example is the shackle that hinder progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking s in several ways. but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, a right example can nurture our souls and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, a wrong example is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly infuture society.

In brief, a right example is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. There fore, we should actively support and advocate this practice, additionally, we must be acute aware of the detrimental effects of a wrong example to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e left-hand cartoon, there is a adult man sitting on the sofa, smoking,watching TV and saying that his son must study hard, and his son sitting on the desk. feeling sad.On the contrary, in the right hand, the is a father study with his son together. Evidently the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that a right example is the brush that paints a bright future, while a wrong example is the shackle that hinder progress

批改：本段准确描述了两幅图的对比内容，并运用了精彩的比喻来点明主旨

原文：is phenomenon is thought-provoking s in several ways. but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, a right example can nurture our souls and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, a wrong example is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly infuture society.

批改：本段论证层次清晰，正反对比有力，修辞手法运用娴熟。

原文：rief, a right example is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. There fore, we should actively support and advocate this practice, additionally, we must be acute aware of the detrimental effects of a wrong example to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段很好地总结了全文观点，高级词汇运用得当

原文：here fore, we should acti

批改：There fore → 拼写错误，应为 Therefore acute aware → 形容词不能直接修饰形容词，应为 acutely aware

原文：hought-provoking s in several ways. but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, a right example can nurture our souls and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thu

批改：thought-provoking s in → 多余的"s"，应为 thought-provoking in a right/wrong example → 表意可以更精准，a positive/negative example 是更地道的表达 infuture → 拼写错误，应为 in future

原文： a adult man sitting on the sofa, smoking,watching TV and saying that his son must study hard, an

批改：a adult → 冠词使用错误，元音开头的单词前应为 an adult and his son sitting... feeling sad → 这部分结构不完整，建议改为：while his son sits at the desk, looking sad

原文：in the right hand, the is a father study with his son together. Evidently the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that

批改：in the right hand, the is a father study → 存在拼写和语法错误，建议改为：in the right-hand cartoon, there is a father studying hinder progress → 主语"shackle"为单数，谓语动词应为 hinders

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

总评与修改建议

你的作文展现了很好的宏观构思能力，结构完整，论证清晰，特别是贯穿全文的比喻修辞（如brush、shackle、heavy chain、catalyst等），使得论述既生动又深刻，这是很突出的优点。

如果想要让作文更上一层楼，建议在语言的精细度上投入更多注意力。具体来说，可以重点关注：基础语法的准确性（如主谓一致、冠词使用），词汇拼写的正确性，以及句子结构的规范性。你可以在完成写作后，专门留出几分钟逐句检查这些细节。当你清晰的思路和出色的修辞能力配以更加精准的语言表达时，你的作文必将更加出色。

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