考研英语一2016年大作文失分点批改

本文整理了2016年考研英语一大作文真题原文及高分批改例文，是备考考研英语写作冲刺的实用素材。考研英语作文在考研英语中占据重要分值，历年真题范文能够帮助考生快速把握命题规律与评分要点，下面让我们一同走进这篇批改范文。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

① In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man demanding his son to study, while he is smoking and watching TV. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, the father is working hard when his son is reading diligently.Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that working hard as a positive example is the brush that paints a bright future for all of us , while laziness is the shackle that hinders our progress.

② This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, working hard positively as an example can ignite our creativity, and promote social growth and self-fulfillment, thus making our life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, laziness can harm relationships, erode trust and respect, and cause the loss of oppotunities and resources.

③In brief, working passionately as an example is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of laziness to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文： the left-hand cartoon, there is a man demanding his son to study, while he is smoking and watching TV. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, the father is working hard when his son is reading diligently.Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that working hard as a positive example is the brush that paints a bright future for all of us , while laziness is the shackle that hinders our progress.

批改：你对两幅图的描述简洁到位，并使用“On the contrary”形成了很好的对比。段尾的点题句也成功引出了漫画寓意

原文：emanding his son to st

批改：demanding that his son study 或 telling his son to study (demand的常用搭配是demand that sb. do sth.或demand sth. from/of sb.)

原文：phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, working hard positively as an example can ignite our creativity, and promote social growth and self-fulfillment, thus making our life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, laziness can harm relationships, erode trust and respect, and cause the loss of oppotunities and resources

批改：本段通过“On the one hand... On the other hand...”的结构，从正反两方面论证，逻辑清晰。提出的论点也很全面。这里有一个很棒的提升思路：将论证与漫画的“家庭教育”主题结合得更紧密

原文：oppotunitie

批改：oppotunities -> opportunities (拼写调整)

原文：ief, working passionately as an example is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of laziness to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结有力，再次点明核心观点，并发出了积极的倡议。使用“catalyst”和“detrimental effects”等词汇，体现了你丰富的词汇量

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：17

总分与总评

你的作文已经具备了清晰的框架和不错的语言水平，尤其在词汇的丰富性上表现亮眼。如果能在论证的针对性和细节的精准度上稍作提升，分数还有很大的上升空间。

总评与建议

同学，你这篇作文完成得相当不错！结构完整，逻辑顺畅，并且能熟练使用高级词汇和复杂句式，这些优点都非常值得肯定。

紧扣主题：在展开论述时，可以时刻提醒自己，将论点（如个人发展、社会成长）与“家庭教育”和“父母榜样”这个具体情境紧密联系起来，这样文章会更具说服力。优化表达：个别表达可以调整得更自然、更书面化。对于自己创造的复合词或比喻，使用时可以多斟酌一下，确保意思清晰易懂。

保持优势：你使用“catalyst”这类精准高级词汇的能力非常棒，请一定保持和发扬这个优势

对2016年考研英语一大作文的精读，让我们再一次感受到考研英语写作冲刺写作的命题趋势和得分要点。启航教育会持续发布考研英语写作干货，欢迎添加在线咨询老师，领取2027写作预测话题与范文精解，预约免费批改名额。