考研英语一2024年大作文真题与例文批改

一篇高分的考研英语大作文，常常具备结构清晰、句式多变、词汇地道三大特点。本文精解的2024年考研英语一批改范例，每一段都体现了这三大要素，启航教育考研英语一大作文教研组对该范文进行了详细的亮点标注。

一、考研英语一2024年大作文题目

考研英语一2024年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the picture and the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture and the chart briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2024年大作文批改例文

As is vividly expressed in the figure above. In front of us have a park used to exercise for some people. And a boy is saying, "The park near his home is useful." While in the right one, according to the chart, it can be seen that the number of park had apparent changes during the period from 2020 to 2021. The number of park increase suddenly from 406 to 670. The purpose is the expression of the importance of young people focusing on exercise.

Several factors can account for this viewpoint. To begin with, for instance, my hometown usually increase the number of park in this year. What"s more, The majority of people believe that the exercision will provide them with a broader platform to enhance themselves, which may put them in a benefical position in the future. Last but not least, it is well known that the exercision play a crucial role in physical and mental health.

It is not difficult to draw the conclusion that enough attention must be turned to the exercision by ourselves and our community. For one thing, Parents and teachers can set a good example for children on the exercision through their own behavior. For another, we should also improve children and adults" awareness of the importance of exercise. In this way, hopefully, we may have a much more wonderful future.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：s is vividly expressed in the figure above. In front of us have a park used to exercise for some people. And a boy is

批改：As is vividly expressed in the figure above.-> 这是一个不完整的句子片段，可以改为：As is vividly shown in the figure above, there is a park... In front of us have a park-> There is a park​ (更地道的存在句) used to exercise for some people-> where some people are exercising​ (表达更直接) a boy is saying, "The park near his home is useful."-> 直接引语可以更生动，如：a boy says, "The park built near my home is so convenient!" the number of park-> the number of parks​ (名词复数) had apparent changes-> underwent significant changes​ (更正式的搭配) increase suddenly-> increased suddenly​ (时态应为过去时)

原文：the chart, it can be seen that the number of park had apparent changes during the period from 2020 to 2021. The number of park increase suddenly from 406 to 670. The purpose is the expression of the importance of young people focusing on exercise.

批改：​ 第一段成功描述了图片和图表的核心信息

原文：rcision will provide them with a broader platform to enhance themselves, which may put them in a benefica

批改：exercision-> exercise​ (拼写错误，全文需统一修正) my hometown usually increase the number of park in this year-> 这个例子比较个人化，可以提升为更普遍的原因：First, many local governments have increased investment in public facilities, leading to the construction of more parks. The majority of people believe that the exercise will provide them with a broader platform to enhance themselves-> 这个理由和“公园”的关联不够直接。可以调整为：Moreover, people are becoming more aware of the importance of public spaces for relaxation and community interaction.

原文：ease the number of park in this year. What"s more, The majority of people believe that the exercision will provide them with a broader platform to enhance themselves, which may put them in a benefical position in the future. Last but not least, it is well known that the exercision play a crucial role in physical and mental health.

批改：本段尝试分析原因，这很好。需要注意的是，每个原因都应该直接解释“为什么公园数量会增加”。目前第二个原因（提升自我平台）稍微有些偏离。将原因更聚焦于政府投入和公众健康意识，会让论证更切题。

原文：ample for children on the exercision through their own behavior. For another, we should also improve children and adults" awareness of the importance of exercise. In this way, hopefully, we may have a much more wonderful future.

批改： 结尾段提出了呼吁和建议，方向是对的

原文：st be turned to the exercision by ourselves and our community. For one thing, Parents and teachers can set a good example for children on the exercision through their own behavior. F

批改：must be turned to the exercise by ourselves-> must be paid to exercise by both individuals and the community​ (更地道的搭配) Parents-> parents​ (除非在句首，否则不用大写) on the exercision-> regarding exercise​ (更自然的表达) improve... awareness-> raise... awareness​ (固定搭配)

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

我为你总结两个最重要的改进方向：

紧扣主题论证：在分析原因和提出建议时，始终问自己：这一点是否在直接解释“公园数量增加”或“利用公园锻炼”？这能确保你的每句话都围绕核心主题展开。

提升语言质量：请特别注意核心词汇的拼写（如exercise）和基本的语法规则（如主谓一致、名词单复数）。这是清晰表达的基础。

想要体验启航教育的考研英语批改服务，只需三步：在线咨询提交作文→资深讲师逐句点评→获取完整批改报告。所有报名2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班的同学，均可享受考研英语一大作文高分批改服务，名额有限，先到先得。