考研英语二2011年大作文写作方向与示例

当你坐在考研英语二考场，面对2011年大作文题目的那一瞬间，是否能快速组织起一篇结构清晰、表达地道的高分文章？本文这篇批改例文，正是考研英语二大作文话题下的标准范本，适合每一位考研英语备考生反复研读。

一、考研英语二2011年大作文题目

考研英语二2011年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart and 2) give your comments. You should write at least 150 words. Write your essay on ANSWER SHEET 2. (15 points)

二、考研英语二2011年大作文批改例文

The bar chart depicts proportion of many brands of auto market in domestic from 2008 to 2009.In 2008,the percentage of proportion of domestic automobiles was approximately 25%,but by 2009,this rate had gradually risen to around 32%.In contrast,the proportion of Japan automobiles experienced a significant decline of about 10% during the same period.Simtaneously,the percentage of proportion of America automobiles remained stable and steady.

The core reasons for the observable phenomenon can be summarized as follows.To start with,as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes,our government has made

tremendous efforts to derive economic growth and elevate the purchasing power of the populace,allowing them to afford automobiles that were previously deemed luxury items.In addition, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dynamic development,the youngster generation,particularly those born in the 1990s and2000s,are accustomed to using domestic automobiles and have become the primary consumer group.

What about future trends?I am confident that the proportion of domestic automobiles is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades.In contrast,the proportion of Japan and America automobiles will likely continue to decrease and remain relatively stable respectively.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：The bar chart depicts proportion of many brands of auto market in domestic from 2008 to 2009.

批改：首段概括图表内容可以参考如下 “The bar chart clearly depicts the change of the market shares among Chinese, Japanese and American automobile brands from 2008 to 2009.”

原文：proportion of

批改：percentage 和 proportion 不能同时出现，删去其中一个

原文：around

批改：可以有意识地替换一些小词，也可以说nearly

原文：n 2008,the percentage of proportion of domestic automobiles was approximately 25%,but by 2009,this rate had gradually risen to around 32%.

批改：这句话可以这样表达 "The proportion of domestic brand rose from 25% to 33% during 2008 to 2009. At the same time, the percentage of American brand remained at 12%.“

原文：Japan

批改：这里用Japanese

原文：percentage of

批改：删去其中一个

原文：Simtaneously

批改：注意正确写法为Simultaneously，可以多积累类似的过渡词或短语

原文：America

批改：这里用American

原文：stable and steady

批改：stable和steady意思相近，删去其中一个

原文：observable

批改：observable是“明显的”意思，这里要用observed

原文：derive

批改：这里正确的单词应该是drive

原文：deemed

批改：be deemed to be，相当于 be regarded as

原文：The bar chart depicts proportion of many brands of auto market in domestic from 2008 to 2009.In 2008,the percentage of proportion of domestic automobiles was approximately 25%,but by 2009,this rate had gradually risen to around 32%.In contrast,the proportion of Japan automobiles experienced a significant decline of about 10% during the same period.Simtaneously,the percentage of proportion of America automobiles remained stable and steady

批改：首段概括了图表内容，但应准确描述图中各项数据和它们之间的变化，多储备可替换的名词如percentage/proportion/rate和表变化的动词rise/increase，运用起来能让人眼前一亮

原文：s the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes,our government has made tremendous efforts to derive economic growth and elevate the purchasing power of the populace,allowing them to afford automobiles that were previously deemed luxury items.

批改：分析产生这种趋势或现象的原因，给出的第一个原因是经济发展，人们的购买力提升，行文逻辑合理。需要注意的是整句话有点冗长，一可以尝试用被动语态更简洁，如 “xxx has been boosted”，二是可以有意识地替换表达，像 people/populace 就可以用 consumer 或 resident 等各种身份去指代，这样表达也就不会那么受限了

原文：against the backdrop of

批改：against a backdrop of... 在...背景下

原文：the youngster generation

批改：用 the young 或 youngsters 就可以

原文：n addition, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dynamic development,the youngster generation,particularly those born in the 1990s and2000s,are accustomed to using domestic automobiles and have become the primary consumer group.

批改：第二个原因是年轻人成为国产汽车的主要消费群体，消费群也是一个很好的角度。除了本段论述的国家和社会层面，建议可以拓展更多主体，还可以从企业和个人的角度入手

原文：Japan and America

批改：这里用Japanese and American

原文：likely continue to

批改：这里可以直接用 be likely to “很可能...”

原文：What about future trends?I am confident that the proportion of domestic automobiles is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades.In contrast,the proportion of Japan and America automobiles will likely continue to decrease and remain relatively stable respectively.

批改：结尾预测未来国产汽车品牌的市场份额仍将继续扩大，建议可以对作为市场主体的国产汽车制造商或汽车企业提出“怎么做”的一些建议，如引进更多技术提升产品质量

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：8/15

1）内容上：概括了图表内容，数据及其变化描述还可以更准确；

2）语言上：出现部分用词和表达方面的错误，部分句子较冗长，表达可以更灵活；

3）结构上：运用了逻辑连词，但需合理进行段落布局，论述条理欠佳；

4）学习建议：

文章主要从两个角度展开论述，表达方面尤其需要注意词汇和语法知识的准确运用。有待提升的主要有三方面，一是语言上多积累表变化的动词、表程度的副词和描述最大最小值的一些短语，描述图表会更准确和形象；二是内容上可以从国家-社会-市场/企业-个人等主体展开，按“是什么（给观点）——为什么（析原因）——怎么做（结尾提措施/做法）”的逻辑展开，这样主干各要点更清晰明了；三针对现象-原因型文章，主要分析是什么原因导致该种趋势或现象的发生，写作过程中按三个主体的角度串联论述逻辑会让文章更有条理，如：由于经济发展，综合国力提升——一方面人们购买力提升，另一方面国产品牌有着自身优势广受欢迎，从而使人们对国产品牌更有信心——因此国产汽车品牌份额呈持续上升

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