考研英语一2016年大作文真题与例文批改

考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大，一直是2016年考研英语一备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语一真题话题，给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文，文中不仅有逐句批注，还附有可复制的考研英语一高分写作模板。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand,there is a father,smoking and Watching TV,while demanding his son to study hard.On the contrary, in the right-hard,both the father and son are devoted to their studies.Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush paints a bright future,while negative examples are the shackle that hinders their progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways,but two of them are particularly significant.First cnd foremst.on the one hand, whie certain chinese traditions are maybe outdated,the principle of leading by example is one that should never lose its luster,as it is an essential bond that keeps the chinese nation thriving. On the other hand,negative examples set by parents are likely heavy chains that hinder children"s progress,leaving them with a outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, positive examples are the catalyst for children"s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文： left-hand,there is a father,smoking and Watching TV,while demanding his son to study hard.On the contrary, in the right-hard,both the father and son are devoted to their studies.Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush paints a bright future,while negative examples are the shackle that hinders their progress.

批改：开篇描述清晰，对比结构使用得当。“on the contrary”这个连接词用得很准确。核心的比喻句立意很好

原文：left-hand,the

批改：“left-hand” 和 “right-hard” 后面建议补充 “cartoon” 或 “portrayal”，使对比更完整。“right-hard” 是 “right-hand” 的笔误。

原文： positive examples

批改：“positive examples are the brush paints a bright future” 这个句子中，“brush” 和 “paints” 之间缺少连接词，可以加上 “that”，即 “are the brush that paints a bright future”，使比喻句语法完整。

原文：is phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways,but two of them are particularly significant.First cnd foremst.on the one hand, whie certain chinese traditions are maybe outdated,the principle of leading by example is one that should never lose its luster,as it is an essential bond that keeps the chinese nation thriving. On the other hand,negative examples set by parents are likely heavy chains that hinder children"s progress,leaving them with a outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society

批改：本段从传统文化传承和现实危害两个层面论证，思辨性很强。“leading by example”（以身作则）这个概念提炼得非常好，且能与中国民族的维系联系起来，立意很高。

原文：First cnd foremst.on the o

批改：“First cnd foremst” 是 “First and foremost” 的拼写错误。“whie” 是 “while” 的拼写错误。“chinese” 作为专有名词，首字母应大写 “Chinese”。“are maybe outdated” 中 “are” 和 “maybe” 都是动词，保留一个即可，建议改为 “may be outdated”。

原文： with a

批改：“leaving them with a outlook” 中， “outlook” 是以元音发音开头，前面的冠词应用 “an”。

原文：brief, positive examples are the catalyst for children"s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结有力，再次点明主题并提出了积极的呼吁，结构非常完整。“catalyst”（催化剂）和“detrimental effects”（有害影响）这两个高级词汇的使用非常出彩

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

你的作文内容切题，结构严谨，论证深刻，并成功使用了高级词汇和复杂句式。主要的提升空间在于拼写的准确性和少数表达的流畅度。

总评与建议：

同学，你这篇作文最让老师欣赏的是你严谨的结构和深刻的立意。你不仅能精准描述漫画对比，还能将“父母榜样”与“民族传承”相联系，并使用“leading by example”这样地道的概念，这显示了你的思考深度和知识储备，非常出色！

当前，我们可以集中精力提升拼写的准确性和表达的流畅度。你的宏观架构和思想深度都很棒，现在需要让微观的拼写和语法细节与之完美匹配。我的核心建议是：

仔细检查拼写：完成初稿后，请务必留出时间快速检查一遍拼写，重点关注像“foremost”, “Chinese”, “while”这类高频词的拼写。这个习惯能帮你发现并改正大部分粗心导致的小失误。

优化比喻表达：在使用“A is like B”或“A is the B that...”这类比喻结构时，有意识地检查一下句子结构是否完整，连接词是否到位。

如果你也想让自己的考研英语一作文拿到理想分数，可以将本文的范文与老师批注作为标杆反复研读。同时，启航教育2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班已正式启动报名，在线咨询可获考研英语一真题高分资料礼包。