对于考研英语一而言,2016年大作文常以图画形式呈现。本文精解的这篇图画批改范例,启航教育老师逐句解读图画细节、寓意提炼与评论展开三步走,是考研英语作文万能句型图画作文的经典教学样本。
一、考研英语二2016年大作文题目
考研英语二2016年大作文Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and2) give your comments.You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET.
二、考研英语二2016年大作文批改例文
The pie chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of different travel purpose of students in a college. Enjoying the scenery takes the lead at 37%. followed by relieving stress at 33% Additionally. factors such as making friends, cultivating independence and other purpose are also considered, accounting for 9%,6%,and15% respectively.
The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes. our government has made tremendous efforts to build a harmonious ecological system, enabling university students to experience the beauty and peacefulness of nature through travel. In addition,in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society. university students ways of relieving stress have undergone significant changes. This explains why an increasing number of them choose to relieve stress through traveling.Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the Chart is unsurprising.
What about future trend? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of university students, serving as a microcosm of the changes in the era. and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:travel purpose of students in a college. Enjoying the scenery takes the lead at 37%. followed by relieving stress at 33% Additionally. factors such as making friends, cultivating independence and other purpose
批改:本段语言表达基本准确,但在细节上存在几处瑕疵:1. "travel purpose" 应为复数形式 "travel purposes"。2. "37%. followed by" 句号使用错误,导致句子被切断,应改为逗号 ,。3. "33% Additionally." 同样为句号误用,应改为逗号 ",",且 "Additionally"前加句号。4. "other purpose" 应为复数 "other purposes"。
批改:本段出色地完成了图表描述的核心任务。开篇点明图表主题,并清晰、准确地呈现了各项数据的占比及排名,逻辑顺序合理。尽管存在几处标点和名词单复数的细节错误,但数据的核心信息传递准确,整体效果良好。
原文: as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes. our government has made tremendous efforts to build a harmonious ecological system, enabling university students to experience the beauty and peacefulness of nature through travel. In addition,in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society. university students ways of relieving stress have undergone significant changes. This explains why an increasing number of them choose to relieve stress through traveling.Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in
批改:本段语言运用上存在以下问题:1. "as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes." 后使用句号,导致句子片段错误,应改为逗号 ","。2. "in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society." 后同样误用句号,应改为逗号 ","。3. "university students ways" 中,名词所有格使用错误,应为 "university students" ways"。4. "the depicted phenomenon in the Chart" 中,"Chart" 首字母不应大写。
批改:本段从两个层面展开原因分析,结构清晰。然而,其论证逻辑存在问题。第一个论点将学生旅行归因于“政府建设和谐生态系统”,这一归因过于宏大、间接且牵强,未能有效解释学生个人选择的内在动机。第二个论点(缓解压力)则非常贴切,直接对应了图表中33%的数据,论证有力。
原文:rend?
批改:"future trend" 应为复数 "future trends"
批改:逗号
批改:本段对未来趋势做出了合理预测,并尝试将现象升华到“时代缩影”的高度,结尾有力。整体有效地总结了全文,圆满完成了段落的使命。但是还是有点模板化,可以多积累其他句式~
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:10/15分
总评
本文结构完整,脉络清晰。第一段的图表描述和第三段的趋势预测都完成得出色。主要的失分点在于第二段的原因分析。虽然段落框架清晰,但其中一个核心论据(政府建设生态系统)与图表揭示的学生个人旅游动机关联度低,论证显得空泛、失真且缺乏说服力,这严重影响了内容项的得分。另一方面,文章在标点、名词单复数和所有格等细节上出现了一些不应有的错误,反映了语言基本功有待加强。若能确保论点紧扣数据所反映的“个人层面”的直接动因,并提升语言的准确性,分数将有显著提升。
参考范文
The pie chart clearly illustrates the primary travel purposes of university students. Appreciating scenery ranks first at 37%, followed closely by stress relief at 33%. Other motivations, including making friends, cultivating independence, and others, account for 9%, 6%, and 15% respectively.
This distribution is a direct reflection of the students" lifestyle and mental state. The high percentage for enjoying scenery reveals a strong desire for aesthetic pleasure and a mental escape from academic routines. Meanwhile, the significant portion dedicated to alleviating pressure unmistakably mirrors the immense stress students face in their studies and future planning. Furthermore, aims like making friends and developing independence highlight the role of travel in fostering personal growth beyond the campus.
Looking ahead, these trends are likely to persist. They not only represent student preferences but also signify a broader generational shift towards valuing experiences and psychological well-being.
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