作为考研英语备考的核心模块,2011年考研英语一大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文,紧扣考研英语一写作冲刺常见话题,由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改,详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点,是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。
一、考研英语一2011年大作文题目
考研英语一2011年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2011年大作文批改例文
As shown in the picture, there is a man driving a boat navigating the routine, while two visitors on the boat litter the river.Evidently the prcture intends to convey to readers that littering is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways,but two
of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, littering casualy not only pollutes our environments, but also acts as an Achilles" heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into stepping stone towards hell. On the other hand, littering casualy may bring negative impacts to others so that it can harm relationships,enrode trust and respect,and cause the loss of opportunities and resources.It can also damage personal image and reputation, leading to exclusion and failure in work and social situations.
How can we put and end to the problem of littering casualy?
It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including
issue ralated regulations, enhance supervision and strengthen
the guiding role of the media in public opinion. But would these
measures be comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need
to strengthen moral education. With the suppose of these measures, we can effectively tackle the issue at its core.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:prcture
批改:picture
原文:s shown in the picture, there is a man driving a boat navigating the routine, while two visitors on the boat litter the river.Evidently the prcture intends to convey to readers that littering is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
批改:能够完整全面的描述出图画中的现象,并能够直接点明作文的主题。
原文:his phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways,but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, littering casualy not only pollutes our environments, but also acts as an Achilles" heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into stepping stone towards hell. On the other hand, littering casualy may bring negative impacts to others so that it can harm relationships,enrode trust and respect,and cause the loss of opportunities and resources.It can also damage personal image and reputation, leading to exclusion and failure in work and social situations.
批改:论述的内容较为全面,运用逻辑关系词使得句与句之间衔接较为紧密。
原文:and
批改:an
原文:casualy
批改:casually
原文:casualy
批改:casually
原文:casualy
批改:casually
原文:issue
批改:including是介词,改成issuing
原文:enhance
批改:enhancing
原文:ralated
批改:related
原文:strengthen
批改:strengthening
原文:suppose
批改:support
原文:ow can we put and end to the problem of littering casualy? It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including issue ralated regulations, enhance supervision and strengthen the guiding role of the media in public opinion. But would these measures be comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need to strengthen moral education. With the suppose of these measures, we can effectively tackle the issue at its core
批改:该段能够针对图画现象提出自己的解决措施,要注意避免小的语言错误。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:14/20
内容切题,准确全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面,注意避免拼写错误;句式方面,句子结构完整连贯;语法方面,注意介词后加动词ing形式。逻辑结构清晰完整,论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子,结构清晰。
修改建议:可以看出作文完成的比较认真,无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰,值得表扬。如果能够再注意避免以上的一些小的细节性错误会更好。继续加油。
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