作为考研英语备考的核心模块,2021年考研英语二大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文,紧扣考研英语二作文模板常见话题,由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改,详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点,是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。
一、2021年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2021年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and 2)give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)
二、2021年考研英语二大作文批改例文
2021大作文:
The bar chart table clearly depicts the percentage breakdown of a survey on the physical exercise methods of residents in a certain area. Exercise alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercise with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, factors such as exercise with family and group activity are also considered, according to for 23.9% and 15.8%,respectively.
The core reason for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, many people want to become beautiful and healthy, and their awareness of physical exercise is becoming stronger and stronger. In addition, exercising with family and group activities, with a large number of participants, is not easy to organize. On the contrary, exercising alone is free and unrestricted by the number of people. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
What about future trends? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of people, will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:he bar chart table clearly depicts the percentage breakdown of a survey on the physical exercise methods of residents in a certain area. Exercise alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercise with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, factors such as exercise with family and group activity are also considered, according to for 23.9% and 15.8%,respectively.
批改:本段准确地列出了所有数据,并且使用了“takes the lead”, “followed by”等地道表达,信息完整。我们可以在术语准确性和句子流畅度上稍作调整。
原文:Additionally, factors such as exercise with family and group activity are also considered, according to for 23.9
批改:将锻炼方式称为“factors”(因素)稍显宽泛,直接说“The other methods”会更直接。 “according to for”这个搭配是不存在的,可能是“accounting for”的笔误。“accounting for... respectively”是描述数据非常标准的用法。
原文:e core reason for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, many people want to become beautiful and healthy, and their awareness of physical exercise is becoming stronger and stronger. In addition, exercising with family and group activities, with a large number of participants, is not easy to organize. On the contrary, exercising alone is free and unrestricted by the number of people. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
批改:这是你写得非常出色的一段!论点清晰,逻辑层层递进,特别是从“健康意识”和“组织难度”两个角度对比论证,非常有说服力。
原文:t about future trends? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of people, will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.
批改:结尾段观点明确,指出了趋势的稳定性。主要问题在于句子结构出现了一个小的语法错误,我们把它修正一下就会非常完美。
原文: am confident that the ab
批改:主句“I am confident that...”中出现了一个语法杂糅。“reflect the choices of people”是一个完整的句子,而“will likely remain...”是另一个谓语,中间缺少连接词。可以修改为:“...reflect the choices of people, and these patterns will likely remain...” 这样句子就通顺了。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:12
尤其值得表扬的是第二段的原因分析,逻辑清晰且具有很强的说服力,这展现了你的批判性思维能力。整篇文章结构工整,衔接自然。
修改建议:
在描述图表时,确保使用最准确的词汇(如bar chart, pie chart),并熟练掌握“accounting for”这类数据描述的核心搭配。
可以将个别口语化词汇(如beautiful, free)替换为更书面的同义表达,让全更统一、更正式。
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