考研英语一2016年大作文真题与例文批改

2016年考研英语一大作文属于典型的图表作文，要求考生准确描述数据变化并深入解读现象。本文精解的这篇柱状图批改范例，完整覆盖考研英语一作文真题常考图表的描述思路，是考研英语图表类作文的标杆范例。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

写作B节

生姓名 62. In the rleft-hand cartoon, there are a young man and his eson, requiring his son studying diligent while he watching TV. On the contrary, int the right-hand, there are a young man with his son study togther. Evidently, the cartoonist intend to convey to reader that proper standing is the brush that paint a bright future, while bad standing is the shackle that hinder progress.

The core reasons can be summaried as follow. To start with, proper stands can ignite our motivation, and promote personal growth and self self-fulfillment, rather than being self-consuming. What"s more, the bad standing is like a heavy chain that hinder children progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them shining brightly in the future society.

However, standing is lik a double edge sword which can exert a great influence bin the development of young people. When fa facing it, we need to extract its essence while eliminating its drawback, develing into how to maxize the positive effort and effortly mitigate or alleviate the negative aspect.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：n the rleft-hand cartoon, there are a young man and his eson, requiring his son studying diligent while he watching TV. On the contrary, int the right-hand, there are a young man with his son study togther. Evidently, the cartoonist intend to convey to reader that proper standing is the brush that paint a bright future, while bad standing is the shackle that hinder progress.

批改：你清晰地描述了两幅图的对比，并且段尾的点题句使用了比喻手法

原文：e core reasons can be summaried as follow. To start with, proper stands can ignite our motivation, and promote personal growth and self self-fulfillment, rather than being self-consuming. What"s more, the bad standing is like a heavy chain that hinder children progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them shining brightly in the future society.

批改：本段从正反两方面论证，逻辑清晰。将坏的榜样比作“沉重的锁链”，非常形象

原文：owever, standing is lik a double edge sword which can exert a great influence bin the development of young people. When fa facing it, we need to extract its essence while eliminating its drawback, develing into how to maxize the positive effort and effortly mitigate or alleviate the negative aspect.

批改：你试图用“双刃剑”的比喻来升华主题，这个想法很有辩证思维

原文： lik a double edge sword which can exert a great influence bin the development of young people. When fa facing it, we need to extract its essence while eliminating its drawback, dev

批改：lik -> like (拼写调整) a double edge sword -> a double-edged sword (固定搭配) bin -> on (介词调整) fa facing -> facing (重复拼写调整) develing -> delving (拼写调整) maxize -> maximize (拼写调整) positive effort -> positive effects ("effort"是“努力”，这里应为“效果”) effortly -> effectively (拼写和用词调整)

原文：ummaried as follow. To start with, proper stands can ignite our motivation, and promote personal growth and self self-fulfillment, rather than being self-consuming. What"s more, the bad stan

批改：summaried -> summarized (拼写调整) as follow -> as follows (固定搭配) stands -> role models (保持用词统一) self self-fulfillment -> self-fulfillment (重复拼写调整) self-consuming -> counterproductive (或 futile, 更准确的词)

原文：that hinder children progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing t

批改：that hinder -> that hinders (主谓一致) children progress -> children"s progress (所有格) preventing them shining -> preventing them from shining (固定搭配)

原文：he rleft-hand cartoon, there are a young man and his eson, requiring his son studying diligent while he watchin

批改：rleft -> left (拼写调整) eson -> son (拼写调整) requiring his son studying diligent -> requiring his son to study diligently ("require sb. to do"是固定搭配，副词修饰动词) while he watching TV -> while he is watching TV (从句缺少谓语动词)

原文：int the right-hand, there are a young man with his son study togther. Evidently, the cartoonist int

批改：int the right-hand -> in the right-hand cartoon (补充完整) study togther -> studying together (伴随状态应用动名词) cartoonist intend -> cartoonist intends (主谓一致) to reader -> to readers

原文：ad standing is the shackle that hinder prog

批改：standing -> role models 或 parental example (“standing”主要指“地位、立场”，这里用“榜样”更贴切) paint/hinder -> paints/hinders (定语从句谓语动词与主语一致)

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：14

同学，你的这篇作文展现了不错的审题能力和思辨潜力！为了帮助你更稳定地提升，我想给你几个小建议：

夯实语言基础：建议集中梳理和巩固一些核心的语法点，如主谓一致、固定搭配等。同时，通过积累和记忆，掌握一批像 role model, self-fulfillment, maximize 这样的高分核心词汇。

优化文章结构：在写作前可以简单列个提纲，确保每个段落分工明确。比如，将正反论证和辩证分析整合在一个主体段内，可以使逻辑更紧密，结尾更简洁有力。

保持思辨优势：你能够看到问题的两面性，这是非常宝贵的思维能力。请在提升语言准确性的基础上，继续深化这一优势。

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