考研英语一2016年大作文实例分析与批改

考研英语写作想要突破20分瓶颈，仅靠背诵远远不够，必须通过范文精读+专业批改双管齐下。本文带来的2016年考研英语一高分批改范例，涵盖考研英语一写作技巧高频常考话题，逐句逐段剖析高分背后的逻辑链条。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

2016

In the left-hand cartoon, there is aman, sitting in a sofa, watching TV and asking his child for studying. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a man is studying with his child. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to us that positive model is a brush that paints bright future, while negative model is the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, positive models can nurture children"s souls, promoting their growth and self-fulfill men thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than self-consuming On the other hand, negative models are the heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in the future.

In brief, positive models are the catalyst of social and personal development, from which we all benefit. Therefore, we should actively promote and advocate this practise Addtionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative model to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：In the left-hand cartoon, there is aman, sitting in a sofa, watching TV and asking his child for studying. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a man is studying with his child. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to us that positive model is a brush that paints bright future, while negative model is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：能够清晰全面的描绘出图画中展示的内容并点明主题，句子结构连贯

原文：fulfill men

批改：fulfillment后加逗号

批改：加being

批改：句号断句

原文：This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, positive models can nurture children"s souls, promoting their growth and self-fulfill men thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than self-consuming On the other hand, negative models are the heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in the future.

批改：能够通过正反两方面进行论述来突出论点，能够运用逻辑关系词，使得句子之间衔接较为连贯。

原文：practise

批改：practice是名词后加句号断句

原文：In brief, positive models are the catalyst of social and personal development, from which we all benefit. Therefore, we should actively promote and advocate this practise Addtionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative model to ensure children"s growth stays on course.

批改：能够提出自己的建议，起到了总结和再次呼应主题的作用。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：17/20

内容切题，全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面，注意避免拼写错误以及注意正确区分词性；句式方面，句子结构完整连贯；语法方面，注意正确使用标点断句。逻辑结构清晰完整，论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子，结构清晰。

修改建议：可以看出作文完成的非常认真，无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰，值得表扬。如果能够再注意避免以上的一些小的细节问题会更好。继续加油。

本文展示的2016年考研英语一范文可以提炼为考研英语一写作技巧的写作模板灵活复用。启航教育写作教研组归纳了6类常考话题高分模板，均纳入2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班，助你一次掌握考研英语作文的得分密码。