考研英语一2016年大作文失分点批改

本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2016年考研英语一大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文万能句型写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father, smoking and watching TV, while demanding his son to study hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, both the father and son are devoted to their studies. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future, while bad examples are the shackles that hinders progress.

The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On other hand, positive examples to be ordinary brings numerous benefits to the growth of teenagers. Its core driving force stems from teenager’s desire to step out of their comfort zones, embrace a broader future, and gain recognition from others. On the other hand, bad examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children’s, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society, but also significantly affecting its competitiveness.

In brief, positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice we should actively promote and carry forward traddititional culture; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of bad examples to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：brush

批改：brushes

原文：paints

批改：paint

原文：hinders

批改：hinder

原文：In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father, smoking and watching TV, while demanding his son to study hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, both the father and son are devoted to their studies. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future, while bad examples are the shackles that hinders progress.

批改：能够完整全面的描述出图画中的现象，并能够直接点明作文的主题。

原文：other

批改：the one

原文：to be ordinary

批改：无关去掉

原文：brings

批改：主谓一致bring

原文：children’s

批改：后加progress

原文：its

批改：their

原文：The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On other hand, positive examples to be ordinary brings numerous benefits to the growth of teenagers. Its core driving force stems from teenager’s desire to step out of their comfort zones, embrace a broader future, and gain recognition from others. On the other hand, bad examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children’s, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society, but also significantly affecting its competitiveness.

批改：论述的内容较为全面，运用逻辑关系词使得句与句之间衔接较为紧密。注意避免小的语言问题。

原文：practice

批改：句号断句

原文：we

批改：we首字母大写

原文：traddititional

批改：traditional

原文：In brief, positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice we should actively promote and carry forward traddititional culture; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of bad examples to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：能够提出自己的建议，起到了总结和再次呼应主题的作用。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15/20

内容切题，全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面，注意避免拼写错误，固定短语要记牢；句式方面，句子结构完整连贯，注意正确使用标点断句；语法方面，注意定语从句中谓语的形式正确。逻辑结构清晰完整，论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子，结构清晰。

修改建议：可以看出作文完成的很认真，无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰，值得表扬。如果能够再注意避免以上的一些小的细节问题会更好。继续加油。

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