作为考研英语备考的核心模块,2014年考研英语二大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文,紧扣考研英语二大作文常见话题,由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改,详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点,是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。
一、2014年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2014年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and2) give your comments.You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET.
二、2014年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The bar chart clearly depicts the charges in the population of city and the population of village in China of 1990 to 2010.In 1990, the number of the population of city was 300 million, but by 2010, the figure had substantially risen to 666 million. In contrast, the number of the population
of village experienced decline of 160 million during the same period.
The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with. As the conductor orchestrating the symphony of charges, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a favorable economic environment, enabling the people of our country to have ample opportunities for earn more money, driving economic growth and raising the living standard of the people. In addition, Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound trans preformation. In my view, the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China"s economy in responding to these changes. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon is the chare is unsurprising.
What about future trends? I am confident that the number of the population of the city is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily in the flowing decades. I n contrast, the number of this of
village will likely continue to decrease.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文: depicts th
批改:拼写错误:charges (收费) 应为 changes (变化)。
原文:a of 1990 to
批改:介词错误:表示时间段应用 from 1990 to 2010。
原文:cline of 160 million
批改:语法错误:decline 是可数名词,前面应有冠词 a。
原文:e bar chart clearly depicts the charges in the population of city and the population of village in China of 1990 to 2010.In 1990, the number of the population of city was 300 million, but by 2010, the figure had substantially risen to 666 million. In contrast, the number of the population of village experienced decline of 160 million during the same period.
批改:本段成功抓住了核心数据与趋势。主要问题在于高频词汇的拼写错误和表达的冗余。
原文:r orchestrating the symp
批改:标点错误 & 表达不当: To start with. 是句子碎片,应改为 To start with,。 charges 拼写错误,应为 changes。
原文:enabling the people o
批改:语法错误 & 论证浅层: for earn 语法错误,介词 for 后应接动名词 earning。 enabling... to earn more money 与人口迁移的关联不够直接和深刻。应聚焦于城市为何能提供这些机会。
原文: significant prog
批改:逻辑循环:此句说“经济进步是为了回应这些变化”,但这里的“变化”本身(即人口变化)正是需要被解释的现象,这形成了循环论证。
原文: depicted phenome
批改:严重语法错误:句子结构混乱,且 chare 是难以理解的拼写错误。
原文:core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with. As the conductor orchestrating the symphony of charges, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a favorable economic environment, enabling the people of our country to have ample opportunities for earn more money, driving economic growth and raising the living standard of the people. In addition, Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound trans preformation. In my view, the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China"s economy in responding to these changes. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon is the chare is unsurprising.
批改:本段的论证意图(经济驱动)是正确的,但初始的论证逻辑不清、内容空泛且充满错误。修改后将论点具体化,清晰地建立了“经济环境 -> 城市就业 -> 人口流入”的因果关系,使论证有力而可信。
原文:will steadily in
批改:语法错误:will 后缺少动词,且 flowing 拼写错误。应为 will continue to grow steadily in the following decades.
原文: n contra
批改:拼写 & 语法错误:I n 应为 In。the number of this of village 是混乱的表达,应为 the rural population
原文:t future trends? I am confident that the number of the population of the city is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily in the flowing decades. I n contrast, the number of this of village will likely continue to decrease.
批改:本段预测合理
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:10分
总体修改建议
根治拼写错误:这是当前最紧迫的任务。请务必在写作后留出时间专门检查拼写,特别是 changes, transformation, following 等高频词。
追求简洁与精确:坚决删除冗余表达(如 the number of the population of)和空泛的“万能句”,让每个词都传递有效信息。
建立直接因果关系:确保每个原因都能直接、合理地解释人口迁移现象,避免循环论证和间接关联。
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