考研英语一2016年大作文写作方向与示例

启航教育在考研英语写作教学中反复强调：词汇与句式的高级化是考研英语作文高分的关键。本文整理的2016年考研英语一批改范例，几乎每一段都包含高分替换词与衔接词，是考研英语一真题写作锦囊中的代表性范文。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand picture, there is a father, watching TV and asking his son to work hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, both the father and his son study hard together. Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that it is a positive model that plays an important and positive role both in our personal lives and in society.

This phenomenos is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, a positive model can ignite our creativity and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, a negative model is not only merely a chronic poison that stifles potential, but also the Achilles"s heel of many youth, It silently erodes opportunities while warping the ladder of ascent into a self-destructive slide.

In brief, a positive model is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this quality. Only by doing so can we develop individual potential,fulfill our aspirations and make our world shine with renewed brilliance.

三、考研英语作文批改

批改：本段成功完成了“简要描述图画”的指令，通过对比手法清晰呈现了两幅图的核心内容。逻辑上，从描述自然过渡到主旨揭示，结构完整。语言表达总体准确，并正确使用了现在分词作状语（watching TV）等语法结构。但在用词的精炼度和句式的生动性上仍有提升空间，主旨句的表述稍显模板化。

原文： phenomenos

批改：This phenomenos is...：存在拼写错误，应为 phenomenon。

原文：t only merely

批改：...a negative model is not only merely a chronic poison...：not only 与 merely 语义重复，应删除 merely

原文：illes"s heel of many youth,

批改：...but also the Achilles"s heel of many youth, It silently erodes...：此处存在两处问题。一是所有格，Achilles" heel 比 Achilles"s heel 更常见；二是严重的句子粘连错误，逗号连接了两个完整独立的句子，应改为句号或分号。

原文：e.

批改：本段从正反两个维度深入阐释了图画的寓意，论证层次丰富，体现了辩证思维。逻辑框架稳固，通过“一方面……另一方面……”的结构使论述条理分明。语言上大胆使用了 chronic poison, Achilles" heel 等高级隐喻，展现了良好的词汇储备和修辞意识。然而，本段在语法准确性和细节打磨上存在明显失误，如拼写错误、冗余表达和严重的句子粘连问题，拉低了整体得分。

原文：this quality

批改： quality（这种品质）指代“榜样”不够准确，因为“榜样”更偏向一种行为或角色，而非一种“品质”。建议改为 this practice（这种做法）或 the importance of being a good example

批改：本段圆满完成了总结全文和提出评论的任务。结构上，先总结意义，再发出呼吁，最后展望未来，逻辑流畅。主要问题在于个别词语的搭配不够精准，但瑕不掩瑜，本段有效地升华了主题。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15/20 分

总评

本文结构完整，严格遵循 “描述图画 - 解读寓意 - 给出评论” 的写作框架，全面覆盖题干三大要求，核心任务完成度较高。图画描述简洁对比鲜明，寓意解读方向正确（围绕 “榜样的影响” 展开），语言表达富有文采，比喻修辞的运用增强了文章感染力，逻辑连贯且具备一定的思想深度。但扣分点集中在：一是基础错误明显，存在拼写、标点、所有格等细节错误，影响表达准确性；二是内容偏模板化，可以多积累一些其他句型。整体属于中等偏上水平，修正细节错误、强化主题针对性、精简表达后，可进一步提升。

范文参考：

The two pictures present a striking contrast in parental education. In the left one, a father is watching TV while urging his son to study hard; in the right one, the father and his son are studying diligently together. Clearly, the pictures convey a profound message: parents’ exemplary behavior plays a crucial role in children’s growth.

Parents are children’s first teachers, and their actions speak louder than words. If parents only make demands on their children without setting a good example, children may feel reluctant to follow suit. On the contrary, when parents actively participate in positive behaviors—such as studying, reading, or working hard—children will be inspired to imitate them voluntarily. This kind of subtle influence helps children develop good habits and form positive values, which is far more effective than empty lectures.

In conclusion, parental exemplariness is an indispensable part of family education. To guide children onto the right path, parents should first standardize their own behaviors and set positive role models. Only through such mutual encouragement and joint progress can children grow into responsible and excellent individuals, laying a solid foundation for their future life.

对每一位2027考研人而言，考研英语一真题都是冲刺阶段必须攻克的难关。启航教育陪伴一届又一届学子走向考研英语写作高分，本文精解的2016年考研英语一范文正是经典参考之一。欢迎关注启航教育，了解更多考研英语备考干货。