考研英语一2013年大作文失分点批改

本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2013年考研英语一大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文话题写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、考研英语一2013年大作文题目

考研英语一2013年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly, 2) interpret its intended meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2013年大作文批改例文

As shown in the picture, there are some graduates, standing on the way of life and selecting among hunting for a job, continuing learning, going abroad for learning and creating a business. Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that choosing a suitable way is the brush that paints a bright future, while following others is the shackle that hinders progress.

The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways. but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, choosing a suitable way can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, following others is not only merely a chronic poison that stifles potential, but also the Achilles"s heel of many youth. It silently erodes opportunities while warping the ladder of ascent into a self-destructive slide.

In brief, choosing a suitable way is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of following others to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：As shown in the picture, there are some graduates, standing on the way of life and selecting among hunting for a job, continuing learning, going abroad for learning and creating a business.

批改：描述画面内容基本清晰，能指出毕业生站在人生道路上，面临求职、深造、出国学习和创业等选择。

原文：Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that choosing a suitable way is the brush that paints a bright future, while following others is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：准确解读了图片意图，用比喻的手法将选择合适道路比作描绘未来的画笔，跟随他人比作阻碍进步的枷锁，形象生动。

原文：The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways. but two of them are particularly significant.

批改：起到承上启下的作用，引出下文对现象的深入分析，但“but”前句号使用不当，应改为逗号，使句子更连贯。

原文：On the one hand, choosing a suitable way can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming.

批改：从一方面阐述选择合适道路的好处，逻辑清晰，表达流畅，能说明选择合适道路能激发创造力、促进个人成长等。

原文：On the other hand, following others is not only merely a chronic poison that stifles potential, but also the Achilles"s heel of many youth.

批改：从另一方面指出跟随他人的弊端，使用“not only...but also...”结构

原文：It silently erodes opportunities while warping the ladder of ascent into a self-destructive slide.

批改：进一步说明跟随他人会侵蚀机会，把上升的阶梯变成自我毁灭的滑梯，形象地表达了其危害。

原文：In brief, choosing a suitable way is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit

批改：总结前文，指出选择合适道路对社会和个人发展的推动作用，以及大家都能从中受益，表述简洁明了。

原文：Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of following others to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：得出结论，提出我们应该支持倡导选择合适道路，同时警惕跟随他人的危害，逻辑合理。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16/20

题目要求：文章紧扣题目要求，完成了三个关键任务。首先，对图片进行了简要描述，清晰呈现了毕业生站在人生道路的交叉口，面临求职、深造、出国学习和创业等多种选择的画面。其次，深入解读了图片的意图，指出选择合适道路是描绘美好未来的画笔，而盲目跟随他人则是阻碍进步的枷锁。最后，给出了自己的评论，强调选择合适道路对社会和个人发展的重要性，并呼吁大家支持倡导这一做法，警惕跟随他人的危害。整体来看，对题目要求的覆盖较为全面。

语言表达：运用了比喻的修辞手法，将选择合适道路比作描绘未来的画笔，跟随他人比作阻碍进步的枷锁，形象生动地表达了核心观点，增强了文章的表现力和感染力。

内容层面：从正反两个方面对毕业生面临的选择现象进行了分析。一方面阐述了选择合适道路能激发创造力、促进个人成长和自我实现，使生活更有意义；另一方面指出跟随他人会像慢性毒药一样扼杀潜力，成为许多青年的致命弱点，侵蚀机会，使上升的阶梯变成自我毁灭的滑梯。这种正反对比的分析方式，使观点更加鲜明，论述更加有力。

修改建议：将“the way of life”改为“the crossroads of life”，使表达更准确自然；将“selecting among hunting for a job...”改为“selecting from hunting for a job...”；删除“not only merely”中的“merely”。

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