对于考研英语一而言,2021年大作文常以图画形式呈现。本文精解的这篇图画批改范例,启航教育老师逐句解读图画细节、寓意提炼与评论展开三步走,是考研英语作文话题图画作文的经典教学样本。
一、2021年考研英语一大作文题目
考研英语一2021年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the picture below. In your essay, you should1)describe the picture briefly, 2)interpret the implied meaning, and 3)give your comments. Write your answer on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、2021年考研英语一大作文批改例文
As shown in the cartoon, a boy dressing opera clothes and saying, "Dad, many classmates think it"s boring for learning opera" while his father saying, "do you like it? It"s enough." The cartoonist intends to convey to readers that insisting yourself playing an important and positive role both in our personal life and society.
The phenomenon is thought provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, the modern society is full of changes, chances and challenges. Insisting yourself has become a key quality that distinguishes exceptional individuals from ordinary people and its significance has become more evident. On the other hand, following others blindly can harm relationships, erode trust and respect and cause the loss of opportunities and resources. It can also damage personal image and reputation, leading to exclusion and failure in work and social situation.
In brief, insisting yourself is the catalyst for societal and personal development ,from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this quality. Only by doing so can we develop individual potential.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:As shown in the cartoon, a boy dressing opera clothes and saying, "Dad, many classmates think it"s boring for learning opera" while his father saying, "do you like it? It"s enough."
批改:存在语法错误,“dressing”使用不当,应改为“dressed in”作后置定语修饰“boy”;“his father saying”表述错误,应改为“his father is saying”构成完整的句子结构
原文:The cartoonist intends to convey to readers that insisting yourself playing an important and positive role both in our personal life and society.
批改:存在语法错误,“insisting yourself”表述错误,应是“insisting on yourself” ;句子缺少谓语动词,原句想表达“漫画家想传达……”,可改为“The cartoonist intends to convey to readers that insisting on yourself plays an important and positive role in both our personal life and society.”
原文:The phenomenon is thought provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant.
批改:此句表意清晰,过渡自然,引出下文对现象具体方面的阐述,起到了承上启下的作用。
原文:On the one hand, the modern society is full of changes, chances and challenges.
批改:表述准确,清晰地指出现代社会充满变化、机遇和挑战这一特点,为后文阐述坚持自我的重要性做铺垫。
原文:Insisting yourself has become a key quality that distinguishes exceptional individuals from ordinary people and its significance has become more evident.
批改:“Insisting yourself”应改为“Insisting on yourself”;句子整体逻辑较清晰,说明坚持自我是区分杰出人士和普通人的关键品质且其重要性日益明显。
原文:On the other hand, following others blindly can harm relationships, erode trust and respect and cause the loss of opportunities and resources.
批改:此句准确阐述了盲目跟从他人的负面影响,从人际关系、信任尊重以及机会资源等方面进行说明,内容合理。
原文:It can also damage personal image and reputation, leading to exclusion and failure in work and social situation.
批改:进一步说明盲目跟从对个人形象、声誉以及工作和社会处境的不良影响,与上一句逻辑连贯,内容完整。
原文:In brief, insisting yourself is the catalyst for societal and personal development ,from which we all stand to benefit.
批改:“insisting yourself”应改为“insisting on yourself”;句子表达坚持自我是社会和个人发展的催化剂,大家都能从中受益,观点明确。
原文:Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this quality.
批改:基于前文论述,得出应该积极支持和倡导坚持自我这一品质的结论,逻辑合理。
原文:Only by doing so can we develop individual potential.
批改:使用倒装句强调只有支持和倡导坚持自我才能挖掘个人潜力,增强了语气和表达效果。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:14/20
题目要求:基本遵循了题目要求,在文章中完成了三个关键任务。首先,尝试对图片进行了描述;其次,对图片隐含意义进行了解读,指出坚持自我在个人生活和社会中的重要性;最后,给出了自己的评论,呼吁大家积极支持和倡导坚持自我这一品质。整体结构上符合题目中描述、解读和评论的框架要求。
语言表达:部分词汇使用较为恰当,如“thought - provoking”准确地表达了现象引发思考的特点,“catalyst”形象地说明了坚持自我对社会和个人发展的推动作用,显示出有一定的词汇积累。在句子结构上,也尝试使用了一些复合句和倒装句,如“Only by doing so can we develop individual potential.”,增强了句子的表现力和逻辑性。
内容层面:能够把握图片的核心主题,即坚持自我与盲目跟从他人的对比。在解读意义和评论部分,能从不同角度进行分析,阐述了坚持自我对区分杰出与普通人的重要性,以及盲目跟从他人的危害,最后得出应该坚持自我的结论,内容具有一定的逻辑性和说服力。
修改建议:使用更加正式、书面的词汇和句式,避免口语化表达。
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