2021年考研英语二大作文失分点批改

本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2021年考研英语二大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文万能句型写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、2021年考研英语二大作文题目

考研英语二2021年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and 2)give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)

二、2021年考研英语二大作文批改例文

This column chart describes the physical exercise ways of residents in a certain city. The distribution of physical exercise ways is dominated by exercising alone, which accounts for approximately 54.3% .The remaining portions are constituted by exercising with friends, exercising with family members and taking part in group activities account for 47.7%, 23.9% and 15.8%.

The key factors driving this phenomenon can be as explained as follows. As we better understand modern challenges, from the pandemic to our busy lives,our values are changing and making personal. heath a top priority. Through various media channels, a uniform message: true fulfillment comes not from money, but from exercising with family members. This message encourages the public to exercising. Finally, among the most vital factors is body, which instills in us the confidence to meet every challenge head- on.

Exercise is not just a catalyst for success in good health, but driving force for meaningful social progress.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：is column chart describes the physical exercise ways of residents in a certain city. The distribution of physical exercise ways is dominated by exercising alone, which accounts for approximately 54.3% .The remaining portions are constituted by exercising with friends, exercising with family members and taking part in group activities account for 47.7%, 23.9% and 15.8%.

批改：本段准确地指出了“独自锻炼”是主要方式，并引用了数据，开头很好。不过，在描述剩余部分时，出现了一些逻辑和语法上的小问题，导致数据看起来矛盾，我们可以把它梳理得更清楚。

原文：portions are constituted by exercising with friends, exercising with family members and taking part in group activities account for 47

批改：这个句子把被动语态 “are constituted by” 和主动语态 “account for” 混在一起了，造成结构杂糅。可以修改为：“The other forms of exercise include exercising with friends (47.7%), with family members (23.9%), and participating in group activities (15.8%).”

原文：key factors driving this phenomenon can be as explained as follows. As we better understand modern challenges, from the pandemic to our busy lives,our values are changing and making personal. heath a top priority. Through various media channels, a uniform message: true fulfillment comes not from money, but from exercising with family members. This message encourages the public to exercising. Finally, among the most vital factors is body, which instills in us the confidence to meet every challenge head- on.

批改：本段尝试从多个角度分析原因，思路是好的。但部分论点与图表展现的“主要趋势”关联不够紧密，甚至有些矛盾，我们可以让论证更聚焦、更准确。

原文：inally, among the most vital factors is body, which instills in us the confidence to meet every challen

批改：“among the most vital factors is body” 表意不太清晰，可以改为 “a healthy body”。“instills in us the confidence” 这个词组用得很好！这个句子强调了健康身体的重要性，回扣了第一个观点，是很好的呼应。

原文：ercise is not just a catalyst for success in good health, but driving force for meaningful social progress.

批改：结尾句的立意很高，试图从个人健康上升到社会进步，这一点很有想法！

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：12

总评：

你的作文框架非常清晰，并且已经能够有意识地去运用一些地道的英文表达和复杂句式，比如“be dominated by", "account for", "instills confidence"等，这为你冲击高分打下了很好的基础。主要的提升空间在于确保数据描述的严谨性和保证论证与图表核心趋势的高度统一。

修改建议在描述前，务必核对各项数据的逻辑关系。描述时直接说“The percentages for other options are...”会更稳妥。

原因要紧扣主线：分析原因时，时刻问自己“我这个理由，是否能直接解释图表中最重要的那个现象？（比如，为什么‘独自锻炼’最多？）”这样能让你的论证更有针对性，说服力更强。

下次写作时，在保证观点准确的前提下，大胆使用你积累的高级词汇和句型，同时多检查一下句子前后的逻辑，你的文章一定会更加出彩！

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