考研英语一2016年大作文怎么写？附例文批改

想在短时间内显著提升考研英语写作分数？研读高分范文并接受专业批改是高效的路径。本文整理的2016年考研英语一批改范例，从图表描述、原因分析到建议评论，每一段都渗透着考研英语写作技巧热点话题的得分要点。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a youth sitting beside the desk and working with his father who is watching TV and sayying “son, you must tohard study ".On the contrary, in the right-hand, there is a working youth and his father. Evidently, the cartoon intends to convey to readers that good example is the brush that paints a bright future, while bad example is the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, good example can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, bad example is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, good example is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of bad example to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：he left-hand cartoon, there is a youth sitting beside the desk and working with his father who is watching TV and sayying “son, you must tohard study ".On the contrary, in the right-hand, there is a working youth and his father. Evidently, the cartoon intends to convey to readers that good example is the brush that paints a bright future, while bad example is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：你成功描述了两幅图的对比并引出了主旨

原文： sayying “s

批改：sayying -> saying。注意拼写。

原文： must tohard

批改：must tohard study -> must study hard。这是情态动词的用法，“must”后接动词原形

原文：his phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, good example can ignite our creativity, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, bad example is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society

批改：正反论证的框架非常扎实，“heavy chain”的比喻也延续得很好。

原文：rief, good example is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of bad example to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结有力，并再次成功运用了“catalyst”等高级词汇

原文：this pract

批改：this practice -> this principle of leading by example。“practice”指代稍显模糊，将其具体化为“以身作则的原则”更准确。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

这篇作文结构严谨，论证清晰，立意准确。

总评与修改建议：

这篇作文最让老师欣赏的是清晰的对比结构和地道的比喻论证。你能迅速把握漫画的核心，并组织起有效的正反论证，这证明了你的逻辑思维能力很强。

用词的精准与提升：有意识地使用更具体、更书面的词汇来替代通用词。比如，用“a positive role model”和“positive exemplification”来丰富“good example”的表达，这能立刻提升文章的学术感。

在全文范围内，对核心概念（如好榜样/坏榜样）使用统一或递进的表述，避免简单重复，这能使你的论证显得更加严谨。

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