启航教育作为考研英语培训领域的知名品牌,每年都会整理发布当年的启航考研英语高分范文。本文呈现的2016年考研英语一大作文批改例文中,每一处失分点都已被老师精准订正,是2027考生不可错过的写作资料。
一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目
考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文
2016(一)大.
In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father, smoking and watching TV, while his son must to study. On the other contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, the father and his son both study hard. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that good examples are the brush that paints a bright future, while bad examples are the shackle that hinders progress.
This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant On the one hand, good examples made by parents can ignite our motivation, nurture our souls, and promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful. On the other hand, neglecting good examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, depriving them of the ability to think independently and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.
In brief, good examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this quality; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of bad examples to ensure our growth stays on course.
年月日 第 页
三、考研英语作文批改
原文: his son must to study
批改:此处和 smoking 是并列结构,也要写为 doing 的形式,改为 demanding his son to study hard (在自己原来的表达中注意 must 是情态动词,后面要加动词原形,改为 study, 要删去 to )
批改:开头段表达不错,清晰地阐述了图画内容, 表达的主题和图画也是贴合的
原文:significant
批改:加句号
批改:语法正确,表达也很好
原文:neglecting good examples
批改:后面的动词用的是are, 则这儿的主语不能用动名词,此处直接用名词就很合适,改为 bad examples
原文:a heavy chain that hinders
批改:此处也改为 复数形式,和前面的 negative examples 更搭配,改为 heavy chains that hinder
批改:内容表达很好,也很具体
批改:语法正确
批改:结尾段内容表达很好
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:16分/20分
题目要求:总体上来说是切题的,表明了个人观点,和图画的内容很贴合
语言表达:存在几处语法问题,词汇表达不错,一些句式也很好
结构逻辑:文章的结构完整清晰,内容也比较丰富具体
修改建议:语法问题结合作文批注仔细修改,要细心。之后可以多积累素材,自己多练练句子,进一步丰富自己的句式和观点储备,提高自己的语言表达,总的来说写的不错,加油!
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