进入冲刺阶段,每一份考研英语写作技巧写作资料都弥足珍贵。本文整理的2011年考研英语一批改范例,由启航教育写作主讲亲自精批,已标注高分句型与失分雷区。无论你是考研英语一一还是考研英语一二考生,都能从中找到提分灵感。
一、考研英语一2011年大作文题目
考研英语一2011年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2011年大作文批改例文
As shown in the picture, there are two tourists sitting on the boat, appreciating the beautiful scenery and throwing garbage into the lake. Evidently, the picture intends to convey to readers that the problem of environmental pollution is becoming increasingly serious at present, which is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, behaviors that harm the environment can damage personal image and reputation, leading to exclusion and failure in work and social situation. What is more, environmental pollution is like a heavy chain that hinder our nation’s progress, not only hindering its ability to maintain healthy and rapid growth, but also significantly affecting its international image.
How can we put an end to the problem of environmental pollution? It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including establishing relevant laws and regulations and increasing publicity efforts. But would these measures be comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need to foster the virtue of protecting the environment deliberately. With the support of these measures, we can effectively tackle the issue at its core.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:As shown in the picture, there are two tourists sitting on the boat, appreciating the beautiful scenery and throwing garbage into the lake.
批改:冠词冗余:“the boat” 中定冠词 “the” 多余,此处泛指 “一艘船”,并非特指某艘船,用 “a boat” 更符合英文表达习惯; 逻辑衔接可加强:用 “while” 连接 “appreciating” 与 “throwing”,能更突出 “欣赏风景” 与 “乱扔垃圾” 的对比关系,强化图画的讽刺意味。 优化建议:As shown in the picture, two tourists are sitting on a boat, appreciating the beautiful scenery while throwing garbage into the lake.
原文:social situation
批改:搭配不当:“social situation”(社交情境)为单数,此处指 “各类社交场合”,应用复数 “social situations”;
原文:a heavy chain that hinder
批改:主谓不一致:定语从句 “that hinder” 中,先行词 “a heavy chain” 是单数名词,定语从句谓语动词需用第三人称单数 “hinders”;
原文:put an end to
批改:“put an end to”(杜绝)是地道搭配,用词准确
原文: increasing publicity efforts
批改:表达有点生硬:“increasing publicity efforts”(加大宣传力度)可简化为 “strengthening publicity”,“efforts” 多余,且 “strengthening” 比 “increasing” 更能体现 “强化宣传” 的主动意味
原文:deliberately.
批改:副词误用:“deliberately” 表 “故意、刻意”,此处想表达 “主动、有意识地”,应用 “consciously” 更准确;
原文:protecting the environment
批改:搭配优化:“protecting the environment”(保护环境)更常与 “awareness”(意识)搭配,“foster the awareness of environmental protection”(培养环保意识)比 “foster the virtue of protecting the environment” 更符合英文表达习惯。
原文:With the support of these measures
批改:搭配优化:“with the joint efforts of these measures”(在这些措施的共同作用下)比 “with the support of” 更贴合 “措施发挥作用” 的语境;
原文:behaviors that harm the environment can damage personal image and reputation
批改:表达不错哦
原文:requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
批改:常见搭配,不错哦
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:20 分,可以给到15 分。该文章整体来看, “扣题准确、结构完整、论证有层次” ,但是场景和词语搭配的情况,不是很匹配,建议以后多练练词语搭配,语感不是很清晰,建议增强
专业批改是考研英语写作提分直接有效的方式之一。启航教育提供由资深讲师亲批的免费批改服务,针对考研英语一大作文逐句逐段给出修改建议。完成本文精读之后,欢迎将你的作文提交给启航教育,享受考研英语写作技巧高分批改。
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