考研英语一2011年大作文失分点批改

本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2011年考研英语一大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文话题写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、考研英语一2011年大作文题目

考研英语一2011年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2011年大作文批改例文

This is a draw that a couple are sitting on the boat and throwing the rubbish into the river while they enjoy the trip.It caused that there are various garbage floating the river after traveling.Such as bottles and plastic boxes.For me,this is a extremely uncivilized activity.What the draw shows reflects a impolite phenomenon nowadays and lack of the environmental awareness.We together live in a big family that protected by ourselves.Whether the environment is nice influences our health directly,especially water resources that we cannot live without.Therefore,the behavior in the draw is irresponsible.I think they should be punished.Firstly,people should realize that protecting environment is necessary.It is not barely a mortal problem,being closely related to human health.We should regard it as a good habit.Meanwhile,the society should positively appeal for protecting and the governmemt should issue some relevant policies to control and aviod this behavior.Finally,only when we all work hard together can we build a better environment.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：This is a draw that a couple are sitting on the boat and throwing the rubbish into the river while they enjoy the trip

批改：draw是动词，需用​​drawing​​；“that”引导定语从句生硬，改为​​depicting​​（描绘）更简洁。This is a drawing depicting a couple sitting on a boat and throwing rubbish into the river while enjoying their trip.​

原文：It caused that there are various garbage floating the river after traveling.

批改：改为一般现在时​​causes​​；“that”多余（“cause sb./sth. to do”是固定搭配）；“garbage”不可数，需加“pieces of”；“floating the river”缺介词​​in​​。​​This act causes various pieces of garbage to float in the river after their journey.​

原文：Such as bottles and plastic boxes

批改：such as...不单独成句，可用破折号接在garbage后面。

原文： draw

批改：drawing

原文：a

批改：an

原文： lack of

批改：a lack of environmental awareness

原文：protected

批改：is protected

原文：Whether the environment is nice influences our health directly,especially water resources that we cannot live without.

批改：表达需要优化，Whether the environment is clean directly influences our health—especially water resources, without which we cannot live.

原文：draw

批改：drawing

原文：It is not barely a mortal problem,being closely related to human health.

批改：mortal不合适，It is not merely a personal problem; it is closely linked to human health.

原文：governmemt

批改：government

原文：aviod

批改：avoid

原文：Meanwhile,the society should positively appeal for protecting and the governmemt should issue some relevant policies to control and aviod this behavior.

批改：中式表达，Meanwhile, society should actively advocate for environmental protection, and the government should introduce relevant policies to curb and prevent such behavior.

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：8/20

1.作文内容主题明确，但字数偏少，且分段不清晰；

2.尝试运用复杂的语法结构和高级词汇，但错误较多，如定语从句，非谓语动词和固定搭配；

3.未采用恰当的衔接手法，内容连贯性有待提高；

4.文章原创度很高，很多句型和词汇都是自己写的，值得鼓励。同时要多学习老师讲的高分词汇和模板句型，取长补短，减少失误，加油！

本文的2011年考研英语一高分范文只是启航教育考研英语作文话题写作锦囊的一小部分精华。2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班由斌哥主讲，配套锦囊妙句、写作模板、真题批改、精品图书与社群服务，是考研英语写作冲刺的不二之选。