本文将启航教育一对一批改过的2011年考研英语一高分范文进行公开呈现。批改老师对文中每一个失分细节进行了精确标注,对照考研英语作文批改热点话题与评分细则,你可以快速了解考研英语写作的提分方向。
一、考研英语一2011年大作文题目
考研英语一2011年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2011年大作文批改例文
As shown in the cartoon, there are two tourists sitting on a float and pushing rubbish into lake, which destroys the quality of water. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that protecting environment is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
This phenomenon is though-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, neglecting environment"s protecting is like a heavy chain that hinds children"s progress, preventing them from shining brightly in future society and depriving them of the chance to think independently. What is more, protecting environment holds exceptional significance for a nation, as it serves as a crucial cornerstone for safequarding public health, further propelling social stability and sustainable development.
How can we put an end to the problem of destroying environment? It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including enhancing supervision and strenghening self-discipline. But would these measures he comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need to issue related laws. With the support of these measures, we can effectively tackle the issue at its core.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:pushing
批改:throwing扔
原文:As shown in the cartoon, there are two tourists sitting on a float and pushing rubbish into lake, which destroys the quality of water. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that protecting environment is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
批改:能够完整全面的描述出图画中的现象,并能够直接点明作文的主题。
原文:though
批改:thought
原文:depriving them of the chance to think independently.
批改:独立思考的能力和环保主题无关,此处内容不合适
原文:This phenomenon is though-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, neglecting environment"s protecting is like a heavy chain that hinds children"s progress, preventing them from shining brightly in future society and depriving them of the chance to think independently. What is more, protecting environment holds exceptional significance for a nation, as it serves as a crucial cornerstone for safequarding public health, further propelling social stability and sustainable development.
批改:论述的内容较为全面,运用逻辑关系词使得句与句之间衔接较为紧密。注意论述内容的恰当性。
原文:How can we put an end to the problem of destroying environment? It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including enhancing supervision and strenghening self-discipline. But would these measures he comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need to issue related laws. With the support of these measures, we can effectively tackle the issue at its core.
批改:能够提出自己的建议,起到了总结和再次呼应主题的作用。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:15/20
内容切题,准确全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面,注意避免拼写错误以及正确选取词汇;句式方面,句子结构完整连贯;语法方面,语法基础还不错。逻辑结构清晰完整,论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子,结构清晰。
修改建议:可以看出作文完成的很认真,无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰,值得表扬,但是要注意论述的内容与作文主题相关。继续加油。
读懂范文只是第一步,写出高分作文才是关键。启航教育提供考研英语作文免费批改服务,由资深讲师逐句点评,让你清晰掌握考研英语作文批改写作锦囊的核心要点。2027考研英语备考,从一篇专业批改开始。
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