本文将启航教育一对一批改过的2015年考研英语二高分范文进行公开呈现。批改老师对文中每一个失分细节进行了精确标注,对照考研英语作文批改热点话题与评分细则,你可以快速了解考研英语写作的提分方向。
一、2015年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2015年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart, and 2) give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)
二、2015年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The pie chart above clearly reveals the proportion of residents’ spending in a certain city of China during the Spring Festival holiday. Specifically,New Year gifts accounts for the largest share, taking up 40%. Meanwhile,dining out, transportation and other expense make up 20% respectively.
Several primary causes that contribute to the above-mentioned phenomenon could be summarized as follows. To start with, with the prosperity of economy in China and the increase of people’s income in recent decades, a large number of people are paying more attention to the New Year presents. In addition, in a bid to develop interpersonal relationship and enjoy comfortable life, people in growing numbers prefer having dinner and parties and traveling to others.
What about future trends? I am confident that the number of New Year gifts is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades. Meanwhile, the number of travel and parties will likely continue to increase.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:New Year gifts
批改:New Year gifts accounts -> New Year gifts account (主谓一致错误,"gifts"是复数)
原文:her expense
批改:other expense -> other expenses ("expense"在此应为复数)
原文:ie chart above clearly reveals the proportion of residents’ spending in a certain city of China during the Spring Festival holiday. Specifically,New Year gifts accounts for the largest share, taking up 40%. Meanwhile,dining out, transportation and other expense make up 20% respectively.
批改:本段准确地描述了图表的核心数据,结构清晰
原文:aying mor
批改:paying more attention to the New Year presents:意思可以理解,但搭配不自然。更地道的表达是 placing more importance on 或 spending more on。
原文:develop interpersonal relatio
批改:develop interpersonal relationship -> develop interpersonal relationships (“relationship”通常用复数)
原文:prefer having dinner and p
批改:prefer having dinner and parties and traveling to others -> prefer to spend on dining out, social gatherings, and travel (原句“to others”表意不清,修改后更直接地关联到“花钱”这一主题,且用词更正式)
原文:everal primary causes that contribute to the above-mentioned phenomenon could be summarized as follows. To start with, with the prosperity of economy in China and the increase of people’s income in recent decades, a large number of people are paying more attention to the New Year presents. In addition, in a bid to develop interpersonal relationship and enjoy comfortable life, people in growing numbers prefer having dinner and parties and traveling to others.
批改:本段的原因分析角度选择得很好,从“经济水平提升”和“社交需求”两方面入手,非常合理。主要问题在于部分词汇搭配和表达方式不够地道
原文: number of New Year g
批改:the number of New Year gifts / the number of travel and parties -> spending on New Year gifts / expenditure on travel and social gatherings (搭配错误,“number”用于可数名词,而“礼物”本身的数量并非图表所示,图表显示的是“花销金额”;“travel”是不可数名词)
原文:about future trends? I am confident that the number of New Year gifts is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades. Meanwhile, the number of travel and parties will likely continue to increase.
批改:结尾段尝试预测未来趋势,这一点很好
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:9分
综合评分:
根据评分标准,这篇作文较好地完成了试题规定的任务。
内容要点: 包含了所有内容要点,描述、分析和预测都具有相关性。
语法与词汇: 能使用较丰富的语法结构和词汇,但存在一些语法错误和搭配不当。
连贯与衔接: 有效地使用了衔接方法,层次清晰。
总评与修改建议:
同学,你这篇作文的整体框架和逻辑思路都非常清晰,这说明你已经完全掌握了图表作文的写作要领,值得表扬!现在,我们冲击更高分数的关键,就在于提升语言的“精准度”。
给你的核心建议:
警惕“主谓一致”和“名词单复数”:这是你目前最主要的失分点。动笔时,请时刻留意主语是单数还是复数(如:Gifts account...),以及名词是否需要用复数形式(如:other expenses, interpersonal relationships)。
学会“地道搭配”:这是从“正确”迈向“地道”的关键。比如,把“paying more attention to the presents”改成“spending more on presents”或“placing more importance on presents”,表达会更精准、更符合英语习惯。
确保“预测严谨”:在预测未来时,要确保主语和预测内容相匹配。图表显示的是“花费比例”,所以我们的预测也最好是关于“花费”或“其重要性”,而不是具体礼物的“数量”。
读懂范文只是第一步,写出高分作文才是关键。启航教育提供考研英语作文免费批改服务,由资深讲师逐句点评,让你清晰掌握考研英语作文批改写作锦囊的核心要点。2027考研英语备考,从一篇专业批改开始。
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