思想品质、教育文化是考研英语大作文的高频命题方向,本文呈现的2011年考研英语二批改范例正是聚焦这一主旨。启航教育老师透过文章结构、衔接表达和结尾升华三方面,逐段展示了一篇考研英语写作冲刺高分范文的诞生过程。
一、2011年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2011年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart and 2) give your comments. You should write at least 150 words. Write your essay on ANSWER SHEET 2. (15 points)
二、2011年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The bar chart clearly depicts the changes of the market proportion among different brands in the car market from 2008 to 2009. In 2008,the proportion of Chinese brands was approximately 25%, but by 2009, the proportion had substantially risen to around 32%. In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands experienced a significant decline about 10% during the same period. Simultaneously the percentage of American brands remains stable and steady.
The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to drive economic growth and elevate the purchasing power of populace,allowing them to afford the automobile that were previously deemed luxury items. In addition, against the backdrop of rapid and dynamic development,the younger generation,particularly those born in 1990s and 2000s,are accustomed to using the domestic brands and have becoming the primary consumer group.
Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the bar chart is unsurprising.
What about future trends? I’m confident that the proportion of Chinese brands is a clear sign of social development and will steadily increase in the following decades. In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands will likely continue to decrease and the percentage of American brands will likely continue to
remain relatively.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:The bar chart clearly depicts the changes of the market proportion among different brands in the car market from 2008 to 2009.
批改:开篇点明图表类型及核心内容,即展示了 2008 - 2009 年汽车市场不同品牌的市场份额变化,表述清晰直接。
原文:In 2008,the proportion of Chinese brands was approximately 25%, but by 2009, the proportion had substantially risen to around 32%.
批改:准确给出了 2008 年和 2009 年中国品牌市场份额的数据及变化情况,“substantially”用词较好,体现出变化的幅度较大。
原文:In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands experienced a significant decline about 10% during the same period.
批改:与前文形成对比,指出日本品牌市场份额在同一时期显著下降约 10%,逻辑清晰。
原文:Simultaneously the percentage of American brands remains stable and steady.
批改:说明美国品牌市场份额保持稳定
原文:The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows.
批改:引出下文对现象原因的分析,过渡自然。
原文: To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to drive economic growth and elevate the purchasing power of populace,allowing them to afford the automobile that were previously deemed luxury items.
批改:运用比喻的手法,将政府比作指挥变化的指挥家,形象地说明了政府在推动经济增长和提高民众购买力方面的作用,使表达更生动。
原文:In addition, against the backdrop of rapid and dynamic development,the younger generation,particularly those born in 1990s and 2000s,are accustomed to using the domestic brands and have becoming the primary consumer group.
批改:从年轻一代的角度分析原因,逻辑合理。“born in 1990s and 2000s”应改为“born in the 1990s and 2000s”;“have becoming”时态错误,应为“have become”。
原文:Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the bar chart is unsurprising.
批改:总结前文原因分析,得出图表现象不足为奇的结论,过渡自然。
原文:What about future trends? I’m confident that the proportion of Chinese brands is a clear sign of social development and will steadily increase in the following decades.
批改:引出对未来趋势的看法,表达自信,逻辑清晰。
原文:n contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands will likely continue to decrease and the percentage of American brands will likely continue to remain relatively.
批改:与前文对比,指出日本品牌市场份额可能继续下降,“remain relatively”后面缺少内容,表意不明。
原文:The bar chart clearly depicts the changes of the market proportion among different brands in the car market from 2008 to 2009. In 2008,the proportion of Chinese brands was approximately 25%, but by 2009, the proportion had substantially risen to around 32%. In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands experienced a significant decline about 10% during the same period. Simultaneously the percentage of American brands remains stable and steady
批改:整体清晰地描述了图表中不同品牌市场份额在 2008 - 2009 年的变化情况
原文:he core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to drive economic growth and elevate the purchasing power of populace,allowing them to afford the automobile that were previously deemed luxury items. In addition, against the backdrop of rapid and dynamic development,the younger generation,particularly those born in 1990s and 2000s,are accustomed to using the domestic brands and have becoming the primary consumer group
批改:对现象原因的分析有一定深度和逻辑性,运用了比喻等手法使表达更生动
原文:nsidering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the bar chart is unsurprising. What about future trends? I’m confident that the proportion of Chinese brands is a clear sign of social development and will steadily increase in the following decades. In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands will likely continue to decrease and the percentage of American brands will likely continue to remain relatively
批改:引出对未来趋势的看法
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:9/15
题目要求:一方面,对图表进行了细致解读,清晰呈现了 2008 - 2009 年汽车市场里中国、日本、美国品牌市场份额的变化情况,另一方面,给出了具有逻辑性的评论,分析了市场份额变化的原因,并对未来趋势做出了合理预测,满足了题目对于解读图表和发表评论的要求。
语言表达:在分析原因时,运用了比喻的修辞手法,将政府比作指挥变化的指挥家,形象生动地说明了政府在推动经济增长和提高民众购买力方面的关键作用,使抽象的概念变得具体可感,增强了文章的可读性和感染力。
内容层面:对市场份额变化的原因分析较为合理。从政府推动经济增长、提高民众购买力,以及年轻一代成为主要消费群体且倾向于使用国内品牌这两个方面进行阐述,符合现实情况,具有一定的说服力。
修改建议:加强对词汇的学习和积累,在写作时仔细斟酌用词,确保用词准确恰当。语法知识,特别是时态、语态、句子结构等方面的内容。加油!
启航教育考研英语批改服务累计已帮助众多考生实现写作提分。本文精解的2011年考研英语二范文,正是来自启航教育写作批改的真实案例。想要获得同样专业的批改,扫描页面二维码或在线咨询即可预约考研英语写作冲刺免费批改名额。
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