考研英语二2011年大作文失分点批改

本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2011年考研英语二大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文话题写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、考研英语二2011年大作文题目

考研英语二2011年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart and 2) give your comments. You should write at least 150 words. Write your essay on ANSWER SHEET 2. (15 points)

二、考研英语二2011年大作文批改例文

The bar chart clearly depicts the changes of the market occupation proportion of some brands in national car market from 2008 and 2009.In 2008,the percentage of native brands were approximately 25%,but by 2009,this rate had substantially risen to around 30%.In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands experienced a significant decline of about 10% during the same period.Simultaneously,the percentage of American brands remained stable and steady.

The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows.To start with,Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound transformation.In my view,the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China’s manufacturing industry in responding to these changes.In addition,as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes,our government has made tremendous efforts to drive economic growth and elevate the purchasing power of the populace,allowing them to afford automobiles the were previously deemed luxury items.Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

What about future trend?I am confident that the proportion of native brands will steadily increase in the following decades.In contrast,the proportion of Japanese brands will likely continue to decrease.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：the market occupation proportion

批改：“market occupation proportion” 更规范表达为 “market share”（“市场占有率” 核心术语）

原文：national car market

批改：“national car market” 前加定冠词 “the”

原文：from 2008 and 2009

批改：from 2008 to 2009（时间范围固定搭配）从...到...

原文：the percentage of native brands were

批改：主谓一致错误：“the percentage... were” 改为 “the percentage... was”（“percentage” 为单数主语，谓语用单数）

原文：native

批改：“native brands” 在 “国内汽车市场” 语境下，更精准的表达是 “domestic brands”（“国产品牌” 常用术语，“native” 更侧重 “本土原生”，不贴合汽车品牌场景）

原文：10%

批改：可补充 “from roughly 35% to 25%”，让 “下降” 更具象

批改：准确识别图表类型（柱状图），清晰呈现 “国产品牌上升、日本品牌下降、美国品牌稳定” 的核心趋势，数据引用基本准确，用 “In contrast”“Simultaneously” 衔接，逻辑框架清晰，完成 “解读图表” 基础任务。 不足：存在主谓一致、搭配错误；“market occupation proportion” 等冗余表述不规范；日本车数据缺少基数，直观性不足；无 “趋势反映国产品牌竞争力提升” 的简单解读，深度不够。

原文：In my view,the fundamental reason for this phenomenon i

批改：“observed”“In my view”“this phenomenon” 重复，简化为 “The core reasons for this phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, Chinese society is undergoing extensive and profound transformation, and the fundamental reason for the market share changes is the significant progress of China’s auto manufacturing industry in adapting to these changes.”（“auto manufacturing industry” 明确 “汽车制造业”

原文： the were

批改：语法错误：“automobiles the were” 改为 “automobiles that were”（定语从句缺关系代词 “that”）

原文：wth and elevate the purchasing power of the populace,allowing them to afford automobiles the were previously deemed luxury items.

批改：逻辑偏差：“提升民众购买力、买得起汽车” 是 “汽车市场整体增长” 的原因，而非 “国产品牌占比上升” 的直接原因，可调整为 “the government has supported domestic auto brands by improving quality standards and providing policy incentives”（政府支持国产品牌），让原因更贴合主题。 可以参考：In addition, the government has supported domestic auto brands by improving quality standards and providing policy incentives. It has also driven economic growth and boosted people’s purchasing power, making more consumers willing to choose domestic cars that were once considered less competitive.

原文：future trend

批改：“future trend” 改为 “future trends”（“趋势” 常用复数）

原文：native brands

批改：“native brands” 改为 “domestic brands”

批改：结尾有点偏模板化，可以适度补充 “国产品牌上升对汽车产业 / 国家经济的意义”，或者补充一句你得出相关结论或预测的依据，这样让作文更有深度。

原文：g.

批改：用 “To start with...In addition” 搭建双维度框架，尝试从 “社会变革 + 政府行动” 切入，有基础逻辑意识。 不足：原因与 “国产品牌占比上升” 关联薄弱（如 “提升购买力” 非直接原因），因为购买力提升不一定非得买国产汽车，所以这个因果关系不强；语法错误（缺关系代词）影响准确性；未分析 “日本品牌下降” 的原因（如 “国产品牌挤压市场”），论述不完整

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：8/15分

本文框架完整，试图覆盖 “解读图表、分析原因、给出评论” 三大任务，能捕捉图表核心趋势，有基础写作思路。但存在问题：一是基础错误较多，主谓一致、搭配、语法错误频发，术语表述不规范，影响语言准确性；二是逻辑衔接薄弱，原因与主题关联不紧密，未来趋势预测不全面。需优先修正基础错误，优化原因与主题的关联性，补充趋势依据与评论深度，才能更好地符合考研作文要求，继续加油！

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