考研英语一2016年大作文真题与例文批改

启航教育考研英语教研组精心筛选了2016年考研英语一大作文真题原文及高分批改范例。本篇范文中，老师对每一句都给出修改建议，是考研英语一写作冲刺备考资料库中的精品，特别推荐给参加2027考研的学子。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon ,there is a boy doing his homework and his father watching TV. On the contrary in the right-hand portrayal a father is studying with his son. The cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples is the brush that paints a bright future, While negative examples is the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways. but two of them are particuarly significant. On the one hand ,positive examples can ignite children"s creativity, and promote personal growth andself-fulfillment, thus making life meaningful and rewarding, rather than being self- consuming .On the other hand, negative examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress leaving them with a negative outlook on life.

In brief, positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore,we should actively support and advocate this quality;additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure our growth on the course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：the left-hand cartoon ,there is a boy doing his homework and his father watching TV. On the contrary in the right-hand portrayal a father is studying with his son. The cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples is the brush that paints a bright future, While negative examples is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：你对两幅图画的对比描述非常简洁、精准。结尾的总结句尤其精彩，“the brush that paints a bright future”和“the shackle that hinders progress”这两个比喻用得非常贴切、有力，是全文的亮点。

原文：ary in the right-hand por

批改：“On the contrary” 后面需要加一个逗号，即 “On the contrary, in...”。“positive examples is” 和 “negative examples is” 存在主谓不一致的问题

原文：While negativ

批改：“While” 用在句首表示“虽然”，这里表示对比，用在句中，首字母小写 “while” 即可。

原文：nomenon is thought-provoking in several ways. but two of them are particuarly significant. On the one hand ,positive examples can ignite children"s creativity, and promote personal growth andself-fulfillment, thus making life meaningful and rewarding, rather than being self- consuming .On the other hand, negative examples are like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress leaving them with a negative outlook on life.

批改：本段从正反两方面论证，结构清晰。“heavy chain”的比喻非常生动。

原文：particuarly significant. On the one hand ,positive examples can ignite children"s creativity, and promote personal growth andself-fulfillment, thus making life meaningful and rewarding

批改：“particuarly” 拼写错误，应为 “particularly”。“andself-fulfillment” 应分开为 “and self-fulfillment”。“self- consuming” 应合并为 “self-consuming”。

原文：is phenomenon is thought-provoking in sev

批改：第一句 “This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways. but two of them...” 存在句号误用，连接词 “but” 不能独立成句，应改为逗号： “...in several ways, but two...”。“leaving them with a negative outlook on life” 前面的句子是完整的，这里用逗号连接，使其成为伴随状语，会更流畅： “...children"s progress, leaving them...”。

原文：ef, positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefore,we should actively support and advocate this quality;additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure our growth on the course.

批改： 结尾段总结有力，“catalyst”（催化剂）一词的使用非常精准和高阶。提出的建议也很好地收束了全文。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15分

总评：

你的文章具备了清晰的结构、准确的立意和出彩的亮点句，这为你冲击高分奠定了坚实的基础。主要的提升空间在于语法的精确性

修改建议

主谓一致（examples are）、标点符号和拼写是英语句子的“小零件”，确保它们安装到位，句子的运行会顺畅很多。

确保指代清晰：在总结时，检查一下代词（如this）所指代的内容是否明确，让结论更具针对性。

考研英语一写作冲刺写作提分高效的方式，是让经验丰富的老师亲自批改你的作文。启航教育2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班，主讲斌哥亲批每一份学员作业，真题作业批改、轻松应对各种复杂题目，让考研英语写作更有底。