思想品质、教育文化是考研英语大作文的高频命题方向,本文呈现的2011年考研英语二批改范例正是聚焦这一主旨。启航教育老师透过文章结构、衔接表达和结尾升华三方面,逐段展示了一篇考研英语作文真题范文高分范文的诞生过程。
一、2011年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2011年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart and 2) give your comments. You should write at least 150 words. Write your essay on ANSWER SHEET 2. (15 points)
二、2011年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The bar chart depicts the proportion of three brands in the Chinese market.In 2008,the percentage of Chinese brand was 25%,but by 2009,this rate had substantially risen to around 30%.In contrast ,the proportion of Japanese brand experienced a significant decline of 10% during the same period. Simultaneously, the percentage of American brand remained stable and steady.
The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows.To start with,against the backdrop of our country’s rapid and dynamic development,the younger generation,particularly those born in the 1990s and 2000s ,are accustomed to using domestic cars and have become the primary consumer group.In addition,Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound transformation .In my view,the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China’s manufacturing industry in responding to these changes.Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
What about future trends?I am confident that the proportion of Chinese brand is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades.In contrast,the proportion of American brand will likely continue to remain relatively stable.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:The bar chart depicts the proportion of three brands in the Chinese market.
批改:简洁明了地指出图表类型及展示的核心内容,开篇直接,符合写作要求。
原文:n 2008,the percentage of Chinese brand was 25%,but by 2009,this rate had substantially risen to around 30%.
批改:准确清晰地描述了中国品牌市场份额在2008 - 2009年的变化情况。
原文:In contrast ,the proportion of Japanese brand experienced a significant decline of 10% during the same period.
批改:通过“In contrast”与前文形成对比,清晰地阐述了日本品牌市场份额的变化。
原文:Simultaneously, the percentage of American brand remained stable and steady.
批改:指出美国品牌市场份额的状态
原文:The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows.
批改:引出下文对原因的分析,起到过渡作用。
原文:To start with,against the backdrop of our country’s rapid and dynamic development,the younger generation,particularly those born in the 1990s and 2000s ,are accustomed to using domestic cars and have become the primary consumer group.
批改:分析原因时,结合国家发展背景,指出年轻一代成为主要消费群体,有一定逻辑性。
原文:In addition,Chinese society is undergoing an extensive and profound transformation .
批改:提出另一个原因,即中国社会的转型。
原文:In my view,the fundamental reason for this phenomenon is the significant progress made by China’s manufacturing industry in responding to these changes.
批改:提出根本原因是中国制造业的进步,有一定深度。
原文:Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
批改:总结前文原因,得出图表现象合理的结论。
原文:hat about future trends?
批改:以提问的方式引出对未来趋势的预测,自然流畅。
原文:I am confident that the proportion of Chinese brand is a clear sign of social improvement and will steadily increase in the following decades.
批改:明确表达对中国品牌市场份额未来增长趋势的信心。
原文:In contrast,the proportion of American brand will likely continue to remain relatively stable.
批改:对比指出美国品牌市场份额未来可能保持稳定。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:12/15
题目要求:文章紧扣题目要求,完成了对图表的解读和评论两大核心任务。在解读图表方面,清晰阐述了2008 - 2009年三个品牌(中国、日本、美国)在中国汽车市场的份额变化情况;在评论部分,不仅分析了导致市场份额变化的原因,还对未来趋势做出了预测,满足了题目给出的写作要点。
语言表达:在描述市场份额变化等关键信息时,用词基本准确,如“substantially risen”“significant decline”“remained stable”等,能够较为清晰地传达数据的变化情况。使用了“In contrast”“Simultaneously”“To start with”“In addition”等连接词,使文章在逻辑上具有一定的连贯性,段落之间和句子之间的过渡较为自然。
内容层面:尝试从国家发展、年轻一代消费习惯、社会转型以及制造业进步等方面分析市场份额变化的原因,展现了一定的思考能力。
修改建议:积累并使用更多高级词汇和短语,替换一些普通词汇。例如,将“substantially”替换为“considerably”,“significant”替换为“marked”,“remain stable”替换为“hold steady”等。同时,避免词汇重复,使表达更加精准和生动。
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