考研英语一2011年大作文真题与例文批改

一篇高分的考研英语大作文，常常具备结构清晰、句式多变、词汇地道三大特点。本文精解的2011年考研英语一批改范例，每一段都体现了这三大要素，启航教育考研英语一作文真题教研组对该范文进行了详细的亮点标注。

一、考研英语一2011年大作文题目

考研英语一2011年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2011年大作文批改例文

Here is a cartoon, vivid and thought-provoking. As shown in it, there are two turists littering on a boat while they are visiting a scenic spot. Evidently, the purpose of the picture is conveyed to us that visiting politely can exsert great influence both in social and individual lives.

This phenomenon which pervasive in our lives is deeply thought-provoking, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, littering in public place erode trust and respect, lead to social isolation and loneliness in social situations, and even damage personal image and reputation. What is more, littering rubbish can not only harm the relation between human and nature, but also act as an Achilles’ heel that can turn our beautiful home into a spoiled hell.

In brief, how can we put an end to the problem of littering everywhere? It is suggested by many that we should take a package deal,including educations, regulations,and pubicizing so on. But would these measures be comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need self-discipline. Only by doing so can we effectively tackle the issue at its core.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：turists

批改：“turists”→“tourists”

原文：exsert

批改：“exsert”→“exert”

原文：which pervasive

批改：“which pervasive” 改为 “which is pervasive”（缺少系动词）

原文：but two of them

批改：“two of them” 指代不明，改为 “its harms are particularly noteworthy in two aspects”

原文：public place erode trust and respect, lead to s

批改：“public place” 改为 “public places”（复数）；“erode” 改为 “erodes”（主谓一致）；“lead to” 改为 “leads to”（与 “erodes” 并列）

原文：ocial isolation and loneliness in social situations

批改：逻辑优化：“lead to social isolation and loneliness” 与 “乱扔垃圾” 关联薄弱，改为 “undermines public order and mutual respect”（更贴合公共场景危害）

原文：amage

批改：damages

原文： Achilles’ heel t

批改：“act as an Achilles’ heel” 虽然是模版，但是在这里比喻不当，改为 “pose a serious threat”；“spoiled hell” 表述夸张，改为 “a dirty and unpleasant place”，更贴合实际； 修正：“What’s more, littering not only harms the harmony between humans and nature but also poses a serious threat to our living environment, turning our beautiful home into a dirty and unpleasant place.”

原文： pubicizing

批改：“pubicizing”→“publicity”（名词形式更合适）

原文：educations,

批改：“educations” 改为 “education”（不可数名词）

原文： so on

批改：so on 前应加 and

原文：s.

批改：准确描述图画核心场景（游客船上乱扔垃圾），明确解读 “文明旅游” 的核心寓意，贴合题干要求。 不足：存在拼写错误；句式杂糅，表达稍显生硬；部分短语搭配不地道。

原文：he purpose of the picture is conveyed to us that

批改：the purpose of the picture is conveyed to us that... 结构生硬且太过冗余，虽然这算是一个高级句式的变体，但是只是一句描述性的话不建议写的太繁琐，反而会显得句式冗长。更地道的表达可以参考the picture aims to convey that.../conveys to readers that...。

批改：优点：从 “个人” 和 “自然” 两个维度分析乱扔垃圾的危害，逻辑框架清晰，贴合主题。 不足：语法错误（主谓一致、系动词缺失）频发；部分表述逻辑关联薄弱；句式模板化，衔接生硬。

原文：e.

批改：优点：提出 “教育、法规、宣传 + 自律” 的解决思路，结尾用倒装句增强语气，符合大作文收尾要求。 不足：存在拼写错误，并且单复数使用错误，还有..., and so on

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：13/20分

本文核心任务完成度较好，完整覆盖 “描述图画、阐释寓意、给出评论” 三大要求，主题聚焦 “文明旅游”，逻辑框架清晰。但短板明显：一是基础错误较多，拼写、语法（主谓一致、系动词缺失）、句式杂糅等错误频发，影响语言准确性；二是句式模板化，过度依赖模版和高分句式，但是使用和自己的作文不够贴合，衔接生硬，其实不是句子越长越好，而是简单和复杂相结合，有长有短，自然流畅即可；三是表达精准度不足，部分短语搭配不地道、比喻不当，少数论述逻辑关联薄弱；四是冗余表述，部分短语重复或多余，影响流畅度。

备考建议：

夯实语言基础：当前阶段的首要任务是系统梳理和巩固语法知识，并通过精读范文、制作错题本等方式，彻底解决高频词汇的拼写和用法问题。

强化论证训练：在提出论点时，要思考其与主题的逻辑紧密度，避免牵强附会。多积累具体、有力的论据，代替空泛的套话，使论证更具说服力。

根据你的个人风格，可以看看这个作文：

The cartoon is vivid and thought-provoking. As shown in it, two tourists are littering casually on a boat while visiting a scenic spot. They seem to ignore the beauty of the surrounding environment. Evidently, the picture intends to highlight the importance of polite tourism and criticize uncivilized behaviors like littering.

Uncivilized tourism behaviors such as littering bring two major harms. For one thing, they damage the natural environment. Randomly discarded waste spoils the scenic beauty and disrupts the ecological balance. For another, such behaviors reflect a lack of public morality. They undermine social mutual respect and influence the overall social atmosphere. In the long run, they may even tarnish the image of a region or a country.

To address this issue, joint efforts are needed. On the one hand, schools and media should strengthen publicity to raise public awareness of civilized tourism. On the other hand, relevant departments can introduce stricter regulations to restrain uncivilized behaviors. More importantly, every individual should enhance self-discipline and regard protecting the environment as a basic responsibility. Only in this way can we enjoy beautiful scenery while maintaining social civilization.

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