思想品质、教育文化是考研英语大作文的高频命题方向,本文呈现的2010年考研英语一批改范例正是聚焦这一主旨。启航教育老师透过文章结构、衔接表达和结尾升华三方面,逐段展示了一篇考研英语作文真题范文高分范文的诞生过程。
一、考研英语一2010年大作文题目
考研英语一2010年大作文Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and 3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、考研英语一2010年大作文批改例文
Here is a picture, vivid and thought-provoking. As shown in the picture, there is a hotpot, including a sieves of cultural elements such as religions, celebrities so on. Evidently, the potential of the picture is conveyed to the readers that the cultural fusion is plays an important role both in personals and society.
This phenomenon is thought-provoking in some aspects, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, cultural fusion holds exceptional value for society, as it acts as a crucial fact for boosting a overall national strength, further propelling social stability and sustainable developement. What is more, cultural fusion can foster people"s creativity, nurture their souls, and help their growth, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming.
In brief, cultural fusion is a catalyst that we all stand on benefit. We should promote and carry forward diverse culture in the world. Only by doing so can we fulfill our aspiration, enrich our lives, and make a more harmonious siciety.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:Here is a picture, vivid and thought-provoking.
批改:表述简洁,直接引出要描述的图片,“vivid and thought - provoking”对图片特点进行了初步概括,较为恰当。
原文:As shown in the picture, there is a hotpot, including a sieves of cultural elements such as religions, celebrities so on.
批改:“a sieves of”表述错误,“sieve”是可数名词单数,这里应该用复数形式“sieves”不合适,结合语境推测想表达“a variety of”;“celebrities so on”表述错误,应该是“celebrities and so on”。
原文:Evidently, the potential of the picture is conveyed to the readers that the cultural fusion is plays an important role both in personals and society.
批改:“the potential of the picture is conveyed to the readers that...”句式杂糅,且“is plays”语法错误;“personals”表述错误,应该是“individuals”。
原文:This phenomenon is thought-provoking in some aspects, but two of them are particularly significant.
批改:此句起到承上启下的作用,引出下文要阐述的两个方面,逻辑较清晰。
原文:First and foremost, cultural fusion holds exceptional value for society, as it acts as a crucial fact for boosting a overall national strength, further propelling social stability and sustainable developement.
批改:“a crucial fact”表述错误,结合语境应该是“a crucial factor”;“sustainable developement”拼写错误,应该是“sustainable development”。
原文:What is more, cultural fusion can foster people"s creativity, nurture their souls, and help their growth, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming.
批改:句子结构完整,逻辑清晰,阐述了文化融合对个人的积极影响。
原文:In brief, cultural fusion is a catalyst that we all stand on benefit.
批改:“that we all stand on benefit”表述错误,正确的表达应该是“from which we all benefit”。
原文:We should promote and carry forward diverse culture in the world.
批改:句子表达基本正确
原文:Only by doing so can we fulfill our aspiration, enrich our lives, and make a more harmonious siciety.
批改:“siciety”拼写错误,应该是“society”。
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:9/20
题目要求:题目要求描述图片、解释其意图并给出评论。此作文在结构上基本遵循了这一要求,开篇尝试描述图片,中间阐述文化融合的意义,结尾给出对文化融合的评论。
语言表达:部分语句有一定的逻辑性,如第二段阐述文化融合对社会的价值和对个人的影响时,使用了“First and foremost”“What is more”等连接词,使层次较为清晰。文中存在诸如“a sieves of”“is plays”“a crucial fact”“siciety”等明显的语法和拼写错误,严重影响了句子的准确性和流畅性.
内容层面:能够围绕文化融合这一主题展开论述,阐述了文化融合对社会和个人的积极意义,如对社会能提升国家实力、促进社会稳定和可持续发展,对个人能培养创造力、滋养心灵等,内容有一定的深度和广度。
修改建议:仔细检查并修正语法和拼写错误。加油!
启航教育考研英语批改服务累计已帮助众多考生实现写作提分。本文精解的2010年考研英语一范文,正是来自启航教育写作批改的真实案例。想要获得同样专业的批改,扫描页面二维码或在线咨询即可预约考研英语作文真题范文免费批改名额。
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