2021年考研英语一大作文失分点批改

本文精选了一篇得分13分以上的2021年考研英语一大作文高分范例，并附启航老师对该范文的逐句批改。文中清晰展示了考研英语写作锦囊评分细则中关于语法多样性、词汇丰富度与逻辑连贯性的得分技巧，是考研英语学习的高价值内容。

一、2021年考研英语一大作文题目

考研英语一2021年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the picture below. In your essay, you should1)describe the picture briefly, 2)interpret the implied meaning, and 3)give your comments. Write your answer on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、2021年考研英语一大作文批改例文

As shown in the cartoon,doubtful and unconfident, the boy in the left side of cartoon sets forth that learning to sing opera is boring according to his classmates,yet in the right side is his father who holds his perspective that supporting his son to make his decision on liking to perform opera,thinking that it is enough.Evidently,the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is confidence that plays an important and positive role both in our personal lives and in society.

It is hardly necessary for me to cite all evidence of the confidence losing.First and foremost,confidence can ignite our creativity, promoting personal growth and self-achievement,thus making life rewarding and meaningful.What is more,founding our confidence from the supports and agreements of other people is beneficial to the growth of teenagers.Considering the significance of confidence to success, I can think of no better exemplification than Zhang Guimei,who would search for the very appropriate methods to successfully help students in difficult mountain villages finish their study,leading many students to achieve their dreams.

All analyses presented above convince people that establishing confidence contributes to building a perfect self and creating a happier life.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：hown in the cartoon,doubtful and unconfident, the boy in the left side of cartoon sets forth that learning to sing opera is boring according to his classmates,yet in the right side is his father who holds his perspective that supporting his son to make his decision on liking to perform opera,thinking that it is enough.Evidently,the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that it is confidence that plays an important and positive role both in our personal lives and in society.

批改：你准确地描述了两代人的观点对比，并成功提炼出“自信”这一核心主题，开篇点题做得很好。句首使用“doubtful and unconfident”这样的形容词点明人物状态，也是一个不错的写法。

原文：is hardly necessary for me to cite all evidence of the confidence losing.First and foremost,confidence can ignite our creativity, promoting personal growth and self-achievement,thus making life rewarding and meaningful.What is more,founding our confidence from the supports and agreements of other people is beneficial to the growth of teenagers.Considering the significance of confidence to success, I can think of no better exemplification than Zhang Guimei,who would search for the very appropriate methods to successfully help students in difficult mountain villages finish their study,leading many students to achieve their dreams.

批改：本段从个人成长和青少年发展两个层面论证自信的重要性，并使用了例证法，论证方式多样。张桂梅的例子选得很好，能有效支撑观点。

原文：e all evidence of the confid

批改：...all evidence of the confidence losing. “缺乏自信”的地道表达是 the lack of confidence 或 losing confidence。the confidence losing 的顺序不对。

原文：l analyses presented above convince people that establishing confidence contributes to building a perfect self and creating a happier life.

批改：结尾段简洁有力地总结了自信的益处，完美地回扣了文章主题。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：17

你的这篇作文展现了清晰的思路和良好的语言潜力：

内容与结构：完整涵盖了图画描述、寓意阐释、论证分析和个人观点，结构严谨。

词汇与语法：能够使用“exemplification", "ignite our creativity"等高级词汇和复杂句型，并引入了贴切的例证。

衔接与连贯：使用“First and foremost", "What is more"等衔接词，使文章层次清晰。

目前存在的主要是一些影响表达精准度的语法和用词问题，但文章的优秀框架和深刻立意已得以体现。

总评与修改建议：

同学，你这篇作文最让我欣赏的是论证的层次感和例证的选择。从个人内心成长谈到外部认可的重要性，再到用张桂梅的实例具体说明，这个逻辑链条非常完整，显示了你的批判性思维能力。

追求语言的简洁与精准：在表达复杂思想时，有意识地审视一下，能否用更直接、更地道的词语（如用 believe 代替 hold the perspective that) 和更清晰的句子结构来表达。写完长句后，可以自己读一遍，看看是否绕口。

注意“小零件”的规范：请特别留意冠词（the/a）、介词搭配和句尾标点。在完稿后，专门花一分钟检查这些小细节，这个习惯能帮你保住宝贵的分数。

本文精解的2021年考研英语一范文，在启航教育AI智能批改系统中拿到了高分评价。快速揪出失分点，对着薄弱点学提升更快，是考研英语写作锦囊备考的贴心帮手。扫码预约，免费体验考研英语作文AI智能批改。