考研英语一2016年大作文写作方向与示例

作为考研英语备考的核心模块，2016年考研英语一大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文，紧扣考研英语一作文范文常见话题，由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改，详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点，是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-nand cartoon, there is a father watching TV and asking his son to study carefully. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a father and his son are studying together. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that parents" high-standard practice is the brush that paints a bright future, while wrong acts is the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, sloth not only hinders one"s success, but also acts as an Achilles’s heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into a stepping stone towards hell. What is more, neglecting the duty of high-standard practice to children is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society, not only hindering its ability to maintain healthy and rapid growth, but also significantly affecting its international competitiveness.

In brief, parents" high-standard practice is the catalyst for societal and personal development. Therefore, we should actively support this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental efforts of the lacking duty of parents to ensure children growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：he left-nand cartoon, there is a father watching TV and asking his son to study carefully. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a father and his son are studying together. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that parents" high-standard practice is the brush that paints a bright future, while wrong acts is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：开篇描述清晰，对比明确，主旨句的比喻也很出彩

原文：eft-nand cartoon, there is a father watching TV and asking his son to study carefully. On the contrary, in the righ

批改：left-nand 是明显的拼写错误，应为 left-hand。 wrong acts is 存在主谓一致错误，复数主语 acts 对应的谓语动词应为 are

原文：its international comp

批改：its ability 和 its international competitiveness 中的代词 its 指代模糊（是指孩子还是国家？），这是本段一个较大的逻辑问题。

原文： phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, sloth not only hinders one"s success, but also acts as an Achilles’s heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into a stepping stone towards hell. What is more, neglecting the duty of high-standard practice to children is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in future society, not only hindering its ability to maintain healthy and rapid growth, but also significantly affecting its international competitiveness.

批改：本段尝试使用高级修辞，思路是好的

原文：rief, parents" high-standard practice is the catalyst for societal and personal development. Therefore, we should actively support this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental efforts of the lacking duty of parents to ensure children growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结了观点

原文：andard practice is the catalyst for societal and personal development. Therefore, we should actively s

批改：detrimental efforts 是严重用词错误。Effort 意为“努力”，是褒义词。这里想表达“有害影响”，正确的词是 effects。Detrimental effects 是绝佳的搭配。 the lacking duty 表达不自然，可改为 the neglect of duty (职责的忽视) 或 parental negligence (父母的失职)。 children growth 需要使用所有格，改为 children"s growth。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

主要优点：

结构完整：文章遵循了经典的三段式结构，框架清晰。

有语言亮点：能够使用 Achilles" heel, catalyst 等高级词汇，并创造出生动的比喻。

观点明确：能够从漫画中提炼出“父母以身作则”的核心观点。

核心提升点：

当前的主要提升空间在于：

论证的针对性与逻辑：确保每一个分论点都紧密围绕并从漫画内容自然引申出来，避免论点的突然出现和逻辑跳跃。

词汇的精准运用：需要准确掌握核心词汇（特别是抽象名词）的含义和搭配，避免像 effort/effect 这样的关键错误。

语法细节：注意主谓一致、名词所有格等基础语法规则。

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