2021年考研英语二大作文失分点批改

2021年考研英语二大作文是启航考研英语备考清单中的必练题型。本文带来的高分批改范例，配套启航教育老师的逐句批注与预测话题标签，适合考研英语考生在冲刺阶段精读精练，是一套完整的写作提升资料。

一、2021年考研英语二大作文题目

考研英语二2021年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and 2)give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)

二、2021年考研英语二大作文批改例文

The bar chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of the methods of physical exercise adopted by residents in a certain city. Exercising alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercising with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, factors such as exercising with families and group activities are also considered, accounting for 23.9% and 15.8%,respectively.

The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound exercise system, enabling residents to have ample opportunities for exercises. In addition,as we all know, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives, significantly altering people’s behaviors and choices. Consequently, an increasing number of individuals have started playing more attention health. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

What about future trends? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of residents, serving as a microcosm of the changes in the era, and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：The bar chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of the methods of physical exercise adopted by residents in a certain city. Exercising alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercising with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, factors such as exercising with families and group activities are also considered, accounting for 23.9% and 15.8%,respectively.

批改：本段准确地描述了图表中的核心数据，涵盖了所有四种锻炼方式及其占比，并正确指出了主要趋势。句式使用丰富，展现了良好的数据描述能力。

原文：nductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound exercise system, enabling residents to have ample opportunities for exercise

批改：逻辑关联性有待加强。政府建设完善的锻炼系统，为所有锻炼方式提供了便利，但这无法解释为何“独自锻炼”(54.3%)的占比远高于其他方式。此原因与分析的核心现象关联度不高。

原文：playing more attention

批改：playing attention 不正确，应为 paying more attention to their health

原文：The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound exercise system, enabling residents to have ample opportunities for exercises. In addition,as we all know, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives, significantly altering people’s behaviors and choices. Consequently, an increasing number of individuals have started playing more attention health. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

批改：本段尝试从两个角度分析原因，思路是好的，语言上问题也比较小。但是两个原因都未能精准解释不同锻炼方式之间的比例差异，特别是“独自锻炼”为何成为主流。论证的针对性是主要的优化点。

原文：What about future trends? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of residents, serving as a microcosm of the changes in the era, and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.

批改：本段对未来趋势做出了判断，相对中规中矩，如果想出彩可以多积累其他句子。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：10/15分

本文结构完整，清晰地描述了图表数据，并准确地捕捉到了核心信息。文章的语言整体流畅，并能使用一些复杂的句式结构，第一段的描述尤为出色。主要的优化空间在于原因分析部分的针对性和深度。目前提出的原因与“人们开始注重锻炼”相关，但未能有效解释图表中不同锻炼方式的具体选择偏好及其比例差异。建议将论证具体化，例如分析现代生活节奏如何促使人们选择更灵活的独自锻炼，或者社交需求如何支撑了“与朋友锻炼”的占比，这样可以使文章逻辑更严谨，与分析对象的契合度更高。

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