作为考研英语备考的核心模块,2021年考研英语一大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文,紧扣考研英语一写作冲刺常见话题,由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改,详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点,是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。
一、2021年考研英语一大作文题目
考研英语一2021年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the picture below. In your essay, you should1)describe the picture briefly, 2)interpret the implied meaning, and 3)give your comments. Write your answer on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)
二、2021年考研英语一大作文批改例文
As shown in the cartoon, there is a son standing with his father, while they are discussing traditional Chinese Peking Opera.
Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that holding our own opinion about learning traditional culture is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society, people’s attitudes towards traditional opera have undergone significant changes. Many people think opera can not interesting enough to content with recreational satisfaction, but electronic game can. What is more, neglecting the importance of traditional culture is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on traditional culture.
Therefore, negative attitudes toward traditional culture of the young, which is a pervasive social phenomenon, is a problem that we should pay more attention to solving it. It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including strengthening the guiding role of the media in public opinion and helping students cultivate more rational values. But would these measures be comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need to assert ourselves to actively promote and carry forward traditional culture.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:As shown in the cartoon, there is a son standing with his father, while they are discussing traditional Chinese Peking Opera. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that holding our own opinion about learning traditional culture is an issue that requires great attention both in our personal lives and in society.
批改:能够言简意赅地描述出图画中的现象,并能够直接点明作文的主题。
批改:加:make them
原文:The phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. First and foremost, in the wake of the high-speed advancement of society, people’s attitudes towards traditional opera have undergone significant changes. Many people think opera can not interesting enough to content with recreational satisfaction, but electronic game can. What is more, neglecting the importance of traditional culture is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on traditional culture.
批改:该段落能够将图画背后蕴含的真实意义加以阐述,语言衔接连贯。能够运用逻辑关系词来连接句子,值得表扬。
原文:Therefore, negative attitudes toward traditional culture of the young, which is a pervasive social phenomenon, is a problem that we should pay more attention to solving it. It is suggested by many that we need a package deal, including strengthening the guiding role of the media in public opinion and helping students cultivate more rational values. But would these measures be comprehensive enough? In reality, we also need to assert ourselves to actively promote and carry forward traditional culture.
批改:能够提出自己的建议,起到了总结和再次呼应主题的作用。
批改:加be,才能加interesting
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:18/20
内容切题,全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面,无拼写错误;句式方面,注意系表结构的正确;语法方面,语法基础还不错。逻辑结构清晰完整,论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子,结构清晰。
修改建议:可以看出作文完成的非常认真,无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰,值得表扬。如果能够再注意避免以上的一些小的细节问题会更好。继续加油。
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